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Grandparenting 101

Posted on February 21, 2012 by janadaclark

Grandparents are a Gift! How can you use them as a great resource?

Today’s grandparent has a very different lifestyle from the grandparents who lived thirty years ago.

Nowadays many grandparents are still working full time. They are Internet savvy. Their health is often great as they are active and productive with a range of interests and hobbies as well as a career.

What hasn’t changed is that a typical grandparent is as “gaga” over their grandchild as ever. Being a grandparent is exciting and begins a whole new phase of life for them as well as for the entire extended family. Many grandparents look forward to opportunities to be with their grandchild as often as they can. Most would put a high priority on being seen as supportive to you-the daughter or daughter-in-law.

Grandparents, often the grandmother, could be making your life a bit easier. Being a new mom is challenging and can be overwhelming. Having an extra pair of helping hands could do wonders to help make the household run a bit smoother.

Whether you are fortunate enough to have them nearby or not, they still have the potential to be a wonderful resource for the new family.

How so?

To start off, make sure you make your needs clearly known.

It may seem to be unnecessary, but the best way to get support from them is to ASK for it.  Don’t assume grandparents know what you need or how they can help. Most grandparents are eager to help and really want to be an added resource for you. Sometimes however, they don’t know how to best support and need some guidance.

Be specific: Could you stop at the store? Wash the dishes? Run an errand? etc.

In my Baby Play class I teach at Day One, a resource center in Palo Alto for new families, I often hear this from new moms::

 ”I wish my mom would ask what I need help with. I know she loves holding and playing with the baby, but what I really need is for her to do my laundry. Maybe not as fun, but it would sure help.”

Grandparents can unduly stress new parents in their eagerness to help.

How is that?

They enjoy giving advice. After all, they’ve raised you and you turned out okay. They want to share their wisdom. However, they need to understand that unsolicited advice is not helpful. Grandparents are well meaning, but may not even be aware of this.

 Another comment I often hear from new moms:

”I don’t want to hurt my mom’s feelings but I want to raise my baby the way I think is best. Sometimes I don’t feel respected when she tells me I am not doing things the way she would do them.”

Grandparenting sounds simple but it can get complicated!

If you’d like your child’s grandparents to understand how best to learn some tips on how to be a great resource for you, please consider recommending this workshop: 

Grandparenting 101

Location:  Day One at Town & Country in Palo Alto

Date: Wednesday Feb 29 6 PM-7:30 PM.

Tips for grandparents include what’s new in the birthing process, newborn care, baby equipment and safety, and how to be helpful and supportive are just some of the topics that will be covered. If you are a new mom, or know of a first time mom looking to suggest a helpful class for the grandparents-please pass this opportunity on. Please call Day One at 322-3291 for registration and fee information. Hope to see you in class!

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You are so Mean! I’m Quitting Basketball!

Posted on February 16, 2012 by janadaclark

This comment “You’re mean and so I’m quitting basketball” completely baffled and confused a mom who was on her way to take her 12 year old son to basketball practice that night. She wasn’t sure what to do as she couldn’t make her son get out of the car and go to practice so she turned the car around and drove home.

On the way back she tried to reason with him saying “But you like the team and the coach.” “You always enjoy playing the game.” “Everyone is counting on you.”  “This is your only outside activity, I can’t just let you quit.” No matter what she said he had an answer. And his answer was “No way.”

Matthew reasoned it this way. Both Mom and Dad were asking him to do too much stuff-like finish his homework and do chores before he went to practice. In his mind this was being mean since he couldn’t possibly get it all done before practice so his only option was to quit. But if his parents changed their minds and let him get out of doing chores and finishing his homework when he felt like it, then he would reconsider and go back to practice. Mom and Dad were stuck-so they called me. Together we put a plan together and here’s the rest of the story.

I explained to the parents that their son was in a way “blackmailing” them into giving in on his household obligations and homework responsibilities. He knew that his playing a sport was important to them as they wanted him to have this experience. If he could force them to ease up on their requirements, he could call the shots and have things his way.

Of course the real world doesn’t work this way. Responsibilities are not influenced by whether a person feels like completing them -they are part of growing up. Since Love and Logic is all about preparing your child for the real world, we came up with a plan.

Matthew was told the decision was his to make.  If he decided not to play basketball, he had to call the coach himself and explain why. If he decided to return, all chores and responsibilities were unchanged. The parents also called the coach and let him know the situation. Matthew might call and the coach was to set the standard for returning-no special treatment.

At first Matthew refused to call and wanted his parents to talk with the coach. His parents told him that wasn’t an option-he had to make the call one way or the other. A few days before practice, Matthew started expressing an interest in returning to practice. His parents simply said, “It’s your decision. Nothing changes around here. You must call the coach and tell him you want to return.”

The night before practice, he finally called the coach. Mom and Dad were not present and let him handle it all on his own. When he came back, he had a big smile on his face. “The coach says I can come back as long as I finish up at home first!” Mom and Dad smiled, “Great. We knew you could figure this out. Glad to hear you are back on the team.  As soon as you finish your chores tomorrow, we’ll drive you to practice.”

What’s the moral of this story?

1. Put together a plan when your stuck. Don’t ever apologize or feel you are falling short as a parent just because you can’t come up with a plan on the spot. This can be tough-so reach out for help.

2. Hold firm to your limit. The parents did a fantastic job of holding firm to the reasonable limit they set. While their son tried to make them feel bad and get out of his responsibilities, they knew better. They couldn’t be “guilted” into changing expectations or household responsibilities.

3. Hand the problem back to your child. The parents didn’t own the problem of whether or not to continue playing basketball. They firmly placed this problem/decision with the son. They supported and encouraged him to make a decision. They were brave enough to let their son make a mistake and live with the consequences. (His mistake would have been to drop out of basketball-which he didn’t do!)

4. Aim to use a consultant style of parenting. Because his parents used the Love and Logic approach Matthew learned a valuable life skill. Responsibilities and chores are part of life. He learned to meet his obligation first. Then he could enjoy the perks that come with responsible behavior. Isn’t this what we want our kids to learn?

Great job parents! Way to go Matthew!

Has your child ever tried to a similar method? Remember, it’s the parent’s job to set the limit and the kid’s job to test them. If you have a “limit testing” story-please share it on my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/clearpatheducation

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Family Friendly Super Bowl Party

Posted on February 3, 2012 by janadaclark

The Super Bowl is more than a football game-its tradition! For some, it doesn’t matter so much who wins or loses; it’s all about the half time show and of course the amazing commercials that everyone loves to talk about the next day. And it’s the perfect event to bring the family together. After a hectic and busy holiday season, it’s kind of nice to cozy up in front of the television with everybody rooting for their team. Invite some neighborhood families and enjoy the game!

Here are some simple tips to keep your Super Bowl Party hassle-free and fun for the whole family.

Plan a simple meal.

You don’t want to spend time in the kitchen away from the action. Ask your kids what their favorite foods are and have everyone get to pick something. It may not be the most nutritionally balanced, but it’s only one meal. If friends are joining, make it potluck. The point is to make it simple.

Offer a variety of finger foods.

Food that doesn’t require silverware makes it easier to eat in front of the TV and the kids will love eating with their fingers.

Dress in your favorite team colors.

Got a jersey? Wear it or simply wear T-shirts in your team’s colors. Face painting is always fun too.

Decorate with a Football theme.

Use a green tablecloth with yard lines drawn with chalk or string. Hang balloons, streamers, homemade posters throughout the room. Kids love decorating.

Plan activities for kids.

Little ones could get bored so have some games available for them to play. Download some football-themed pictures from them to color or even better-make your own. Use a black marker and draw a football. Kids can color it or decorate it with colored paper scrapes using a glue stick.

Plan activities for adults and kids to do together.

Play the “secret” word game. Select a word that can’t be said during the game. Everyone begins the game with 10 football stickers. If you say the word, the first person who heard you say it gets your sticker. The person with the most stickers at the end of the game is the winner.

Vote on each commercial.

Funniest, Best, Worst. Play scavenger hunt with commercials. Before the game, write down or draw simple pictures of the types of commercials shown during the Super Bowl, such as soda, fast food, and car commercials. Have kids then cross off the items being advertised as they come on.

Don’t forget dessert.

Kids love desserts and here are two simple desserts kids can do.

  • Cupcakes: Make cupcakes and decorate with your team’s colors. Or use green frosting and draw lines or numbers with white decorating gel. The small tube is easy for most little ones to use.
  • Cocoa Rice Krispie footballs: Follow the recipe on the box using melted marshmallows or marshmallow crème, wait until slightly cooled and mold into a football shape. Decorate with white decorating gel.

Hope these simple tips make for a fun family friendly Super Bowl Party. May it be a great one for you and your family! Go Team!

 

Would love to hear about your Superbowl Party! Post a comment on my Fan Page www/facebook.com/clearpathedcucation and let us know how it went.

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Stress Management Workshop for Families Going Thru Challenges

Posted on January 23, 2012 by janadaclark

Is your family going through tough times? Could you be facing separation, divorce, a family member with a serious illness or debility, or other difficult family dynamics?

In February I am facilitating a group for parents at Menlo Park Presbyterian Church. This workshop, Families Navigating Life’s Challenges, is open to anyone seeking some support and new skills to navigate challenging times.

The class will learn coping skills as you go through the 6 levels of change:

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

Hope

Change is a part of life but it can feel threatening and scary to kids and overwhelming to parents. Change creates losses that must be grieved and upsets our sense of security and makes us adapt to new ways of living.

We will examine each level.

  • How this is a normal reaction to change.
  • How you can get stuck. How to get unstuck.
  • How to model healthy behavior to your child as you go through each step of the process.

Join other parents in a non-judgmental confidential environment of support and encouragement. This launch group is an opportunity for you to connect with other parents as we learn new coping skills as well as learning how to model and teach these skills to your child. We will provide a booklet of fun activities and simple projects to do with your child at home each week. Free childcare will be provided.

Families Navigating Life’s Challenges meets Thursdays beginning Feb 9-March 29 from 6:45-8:15. There is a $10 charge for materials. To register: www.mppc.org Click on Launch Groups.

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10 Tips & Tricks to Get You Back to the Gym

Posted on January 23, 2012 by janadaclark

If you’ve discovered your favorite pair of skinny jeans doesn’t make you look so skinny, you may be thinking “Hmm…time to go back to the gym.” This is the time of year when even people who hate the gym think about going to the gym. Begin the New Year with a bit of sweating. But if you’re going to join a gym—or returning to the gym after a long vacation you may need a little motivation to get you back again.

Here are 10 tips that my trainer, Mark Lipanski and I put together to help you pack up that gym bag and get back on track. With a little added humor, they all hold points to consider. All are true, some are funny and a few are hard to admit.

1. A gym is not designed to make you feel instantly better about yourself. If a gym wanted to make you feel instantly better about yourself, it would be a mall with lots of sale items that fit.

2. Give yourself a goal and develop a routine. Try to go at least 3 times a week. Maybe you want to lose 10 pounds. Maybe you want to be a cheerleader for the New York Jets. But be warned: Losing 10 pounds is hard.

3. No one in the history of gyms has ever lost a pound while reading “People Magazine” and slowly pedaling a recumbent bicycle.

4. Don’t fall for gimmicks. The only tried-and-true method to lose 10 pounds in 48 hours is food poisoning.

5. Sorry, that’s not a “recovery energy bar with antioxidant dark chocolate.” That’s a chocolate bar.

6. If you’re motivated to buy an expensive home exercise machine, consider a “wooden coat rack.” It costs $40, uses no electricity and does the exact same thing.

7. There’s the yoga instructor everyone loves, and the yoga instructor everyone hates. Memorize who they are.

8. If a gym class is going to be effective, it’s hard. If you’re relaxed and enjoying yourself, you’re at the spa.

9. If you’re at the point where you’ve bought biking shoes for the spinning class, you may as well go ahead and buy an actual bike. Its way more fun and you don’t have to listen to music you don’t like.

10. Fact: Thinking about going to the gym burns between 0 and 0 calories.

Some are funny. Maybe a few you didn’t want to hear. But all are truthful. With or without a gym membership, find some fun ways to get move movement back into your daily routine. Which ones will help you get back to exercising? Please let me know!

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5 Tips to Get Your New Years Resolution to Stick

Posted on January 23, 2012 by janadaclark

Everyone talks about making a New Year’s Resolution. It’s a cultural habit we all seemed to have picked up over the years. Here are some fun facts about New Year’s Resolutions:

* Over half of Americans make 3 or more resolutions.

* Top resolutions involve health related issues: Exercise, decreasing work, weight loss, stop smoking/drinking, stress management.

* People generally make more resolutions to START a new habit versus BREAK an old one.

* By mid-year about half abandon their resolution.

* If successful, about 40% did it on their first attempt. The rest made multiple tries- as many as 6 attempts before succeeding.

* If you were successful in achieving resolutions in the previous year, you are more likely to succeed with each succeeding year.

In other words, if you are thinking seriously about making a New Year’s Resolution, stick with it. Even if unsuccessful the first time or two, statistics are on your side if you are persistent.

Most resolutions are generally related to self-care: more exercise, better eating habits, lowering stressful situations, decrease drinking, or to stop smoking. One that seems to be a high priority today for many parents with young children is to downsize schedules and have more time together as a family. Great idea!

No matter what you resolve to do or change for next year, a few tips can help deepen your determination, increase your tenacity, and intensify your steadfastness.

Here are 5 tips to help your New Year’s Resolution stick:

1. Be specific

  • If you are changing your work load or decreasing commitments, HOW MUCH?
  • If you are going to the gym or excising more often, WHICH DAYS? * If you are selecting healthier meals, WHAT’S FOR LUNCH? * When you make your goal explicit, precise and detailed you up the odds for success.

2. Be realistic

  • Be kind to yourself. Think of this is a step-by-step approach with small improvements along the way.
  • Be truthful in what you can genuinely accomplish. It is always fun to dream, but dreams are just that. Anchor your goal with down-to-earth focus.

3. Share it with some friends

  • Look to a few trusted friends, family members or colleagues at work. Not everyone though. Just those you know you can count on for support. Skip those “I told you so” kind of folks.
  • Ask for the kind of help that would be the most beneficial to you. They can’t read your mind and may not know what you need to boost your efforts. Do you need a reminder? Are compliments appreciated? Would you like them to join you in this endeavor?

4. Have a target that is measurable

  • Setting a deadline could up your stress a bit, but without some sort of timeframe, how will you know when you’ve achieved it?
  • Measuring progress is motivating. You can see the results as you compare your progress. This keeps you on track.

5. Include some fun

  • Include elements of whimsy or playfulness in your progress. Have a contest with yourself or others. Maybe post your ups and downs on Facebook. Add some humor-you are only human, right?
  • Celebrate success during the process. Acknowledge little changes-they grow into big changes! * Be creative in the ways you acknowledge your progress. Draw pictures, make a video…

Hope these 5 tips will be a helpful boost as you look towards the New Year. May it be a great one for you and your family!

Please let me know how you are using these tips to a healthier you as you start off the New Year with a Bang!

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Thick Old Fashioned Cabbage Soup

Posted on January 3, 2012 by janadaclark

Thick Old-Fashioned Vegetarian Cabbage Soup

Ingredients:

1 head of cabbage, cut into 8 sections

3 cups celery, diced fine

2 cups cauliflower, sliced 3 cups onions, diced

2 cups diced tomatoes or 2 cans stewed tomatoes

2 cups sliced mushrooms

2 Tablespoons olive oil

6 cups vegetable stock

1-2 garlic cloves, minced

Salt and pepper to taste

Preparation: Sauté onions in olive oil until brown. Combine with first four ingredients in large cooking pot. Bring to a boil and simmer for 30 minutes until tender. Then add all vegetables. Serve with your favorite whole wheat bread. For a non-vegetarian version, just add cubbed chicken.

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4 Tips to Encourage Kids to Complete Chores

Posted on January 3, 2012 by janadaclark

Doing chores around the house helps to develop and raise healthy children in three important ways:

1. Gives children a sense of responsibility and belonging.

2. Allows a way for parents to encourage children saying, “Well done” when a job is completed.

3. Provides a process for building self-esteem.

Chores are another way you can prepare your child for the real world. You don’t want your kids going off to college not knowing how to do their own laundry or cook an egg do you? Kids that have never had any responsibility in the home can become whinny young adults that look to others to do things they should be doing for themselves.

A better term than “chores” is “contributions.”

Doing jobs around the house contributes to the household running smoothly and with less stress. Everyone benefits.

Remember little ones aren’t going to be able to contribute effectively yet. They are eager, but not competent. Let them “help” even if it means more work for you. With a bit of creative thinking, you and your spouse can come up with ways they can “help.”

A few ideas to get you started:

* Dust the TV or computer screen

* Wipe off the table or counter top

* Sweep the kitchen floor (with a child-sized broom)

* Empty the trash in your office

* Comb the dog

By 1st grade a child is competent enough to be able to make a helpful contribution to household responsibilities.

Here are 4 simple tips to encourage and help your child follow through and complete their “Contributions.”

1. Keep a positive attitude.

Model doing your contributions with enthusiasm. Show appreciation for when your little one helps. Keep it fun so your child will associate fun with chores when they get old enough to do them on their own.

2. Negotiate.

Give them a sense of control-let them choose (within reason and age appropriate).

Make a list of all the chores it takes to keep the household afloat. Include in that list: pay the mortgage, PGE, phone bill, health insurance, clothing, go shopping, cook. Then add the day-to-day jobs that need to be done: clean up after meals, laundry, bathrooms, vacuum, etc.  Have your kids look it over and select out what they agree to do. Say, “The ones you don’t like we’ll do together and have a good time doing it.” In addition, let kids negotiate between themselves as to who does what. If you think it’s unfair just wait, the kids will figure it out and change it.

3. Set a deadline.

Example: Could you get this finished by dinner?” This shows respect. Give them as much power as you can to finish. Even offer to help once in a while. This will up the odds they will offer to help you as well. The phrase “Do it and do it now!” is Drill Sergeant parenting and can bring deep trouble.

It’s not about punching a time clock. A child’s motivation is increased when they are allowed to choose when the job is completed. Instead of: “It’s Sat morning, let’s do chores.” Say, “Don’t feel you have to be done by Sunday noon, on the other hand if you want to hustle and get it done right away, great.” And remember: Don’t REMIND! If chores are not completed, use Energy Drain or Delayed Consequences.

4. “Contributions” are completed WITHOUT payment.

You don’t get paid for shopping, bringing in the groceries, paying the bills. The reward for completing a contribution is to know you made a difference and helped out. Allowance should not be a reward for completing a chore. You want your kids to be motivated to help because they want to contribute to the family, not because it gives them spending money. The purpose of an allowance is to give them an opportunity to practice handling money.

However, payment is okay for an extra chore that is not their normal responsibility, or for them to do a chore for you or for someone else. This gives them the opportunity to earn extra money.

I hope these tips have been helpful tools in giving you effective strategies to help run a smoother, more thoughtful household. Enjoy the benefits of tasks being done and knowing at the same time you have given your child an opportunity to feel needed and appreciated-great self-esteem boosters! Please post on my FB page how these guidelines have helped ease things around the house. Which ones were most helpful?

Filed under: Effective parenting, new parent class, Parenting | Leave a Comment »

5 Tips to Help Your New Years Resolution Stick!

Posted on January 3, 2012 by janadaclark

Everyone talks about making a New Year’s Resolution. It’s a cultural habit we all seemed to have picked up over the years. Here are some fun facts about New Year’s Resolutions:

* Over half of Americans make 3 or more resolutions.

* Top resolutions involve health related issues: Exercise, decreasing work, weight loss, stop smoking/drinking, stress management.

* People generally make more resolutions to START a new habit versus BREAK an old one.

* By mid-year about half abandon their resolution.

* If successful, about 40% did it on their first attempt. The rest made multiple tries- as many as 6 attempts before succeeding.

* If you were successful in achieving resolutions in the previous year, you are more likely to succeed with each succeeding year.

In other words, if you are thinking seriously about making a New Year’s Resolution, stick with it. Even if unsuccessful the first time or two, statistics are on your side if you are persistent.

Most resolutions are generally related to self-care: more exercise, better eating habits, lowering stressful situations, decrease drinking, or to stop smoking. One that seems to be a high priority today for many parents with young children is to downsize schedules and have more time together as a family. Great idea!

No matter what you resolve to do or change for next year, a few tips can help deepen your determination, increase your tenacity, and intensify your steadfastness.

Here are 5 tips to help your New Year’s Resolution stick:

1. Be specific

* If you are changing your work load or decreasing commitments, HOW MUCH?

* If you are going to the gym or excising more often, WHICH DAYS?

* If you are selecting healthier meals, WHAT’S FOR LUNCH?

* When you make your goal explicit, precise and detailed you up the odds for success.

2. Be realistic

* Be kind to yourself. Think of this is a step-by-step approach with small improvements along the way.

* Be truthful in what you can genuinely accomplish. It is always fun to dream, but dreams are just that. Anchor your goal with down-to-earth focus.

3. Share it with some friends

* Look to a few trusted friends, family members or colleagues at work. Not everyone though. Just those you know you can count on for support. Skip those “I told you so” kind of folks.

* Ask for the kind of help that would be the most beneficial to you. They can’t read your mind and may not know what you need to boost your efforts. Do you need a reminder? Are compliments appreciated? Would you like them to join you in this endeavor?

4. Have a target that is measurable

* Setting a deadline could up your stress a bit, but without some sort of timeframe, how will you know when you’ve achieved it?

* Measuring progress is motivating. You can see the results as you compare your progress. This keeps you on track.

5. Include some fun

* Include elements of whimsy or playfulness in your progress. Have a contest with yourself or others. Maybe post your ups and downs on Facebook. Add some humor-you are only human, right?

* Celebrate success during the process. Acknowledge little changes-they grow into big changes!

* Be creative in the ways you acknowledge your progress. Draw pictures, make a video…

Hope these 5 tips will be a helpful boost as you look towards the New Year. May it be a great one for you and your family! Which tips were the most helpful and which ones will you use? Please post on my FB to encourage me and everyone to keep their resolutions www.facebook.com/clearpatheducation

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I am a Baby Play Instructor

Posted on January 2, 2012 by janadaclark

I am excited to announce that I am the teacher/facilitator of the Baby Play Class at Day One in Palo Alto at Town and Country! We meet every Tuesday from 3:30-4:30, so nap time will be over and your baby will ready for an adventure!

Once a week, stop by Day One in the Town and Country Center across from Stanford. Join other mothers as we participate in this fun class, “Baby Play” with your baby. Engage in a bit of tickling, singing, Yoga-like baby exercise and lots of smiles as you share this lively hour with your little one. Also included is some time for sharing and asking questions as you and other moms brainstorm how to handle new developments with your child.

Sara Duskin, the Baby Play instructor at Day One in San Francisco has this to say about playing with your baby:

“Play encourages the development of language and physical skills. Play releases the imagination, develops concentration and builds social skills. Mothers, fathers and babies all feel good after playing because fun and laughter release endorphins that help to relieve stress.”  

“It is important to understand that mothers and fathers often play differently with their infants and to understand what these differences are.”

“A mother’s play often contains a teaching emphasis. For example, mothers may name objects and describe the color, the texture or the taste. A mother’s play tends to be more mediated, verbal and visual.”

“A father’s play is often more unconventional, more unusual, and less predictable. Dad’s play is usually more active. This kind of active play can shift and expand the infant’s style and range of behavior. Fathers are also often louder, more jovial, and more physical with their baby. Dad’s play encourages the extroversion and self-confidence of the baby.”

I am really excited about seeing you at Day One as we play and learn together!

In addition to this class, I will be teaching a workshop for parents only, DEVELOPMENTAL PLAY,  on Sunday January 29 2:30-4:00 PM. This 1 1/2 hour workshop will cover how to:

  • Design an inviting place for your child to play
  • Choose developmentally appropriate toys
  • Use toys to teach cause & effect
  • Promote eye coordination, muscle tone, and strength
  • Encourage spontaneity and self-expression

Please call Day One at (650) 322-3291 for class fee information and to register. Hope to see you there!

How do you play with your baby, tot or preschooler? Please post some ideas on my FB www.facebook.com/clearpathededucation  Would love to hear your ideas!

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You Can Find Your Own “Binky Blanket”

Posted on December 14, 2011 by janadaclark

We have 3 year old twin girls. Our nightly routine starts with bath, teeth brushing, getting on their pajamas and then of course, story time, their favorite. Story time is not complete without their “Binky Blanket.” Binky Blanket is their security blanket they haul around all over the place. It’s always a challenge to keep track of it and when we can’t find it right away, like when we are leaving to go grocery shopping, they have a meltdown. It can be so frustrating. Can’t leave without it.

It’s the same with night time story. Can’t read a story without the girls snuggling up with their Binky. Here’s our problem. Our girl’s bedroom is upstairs. If they don’t have their blanket with them, we have to leave the room, go downstairs and look all over till we find it. Not very much fun when you are tired and want to end your day. This happens on a regular basis and we are getting so tired of doing this almost every night-but we didn’t have a solution until we took a Love and Logic class.

The first night we learned about empathy. The next class we learned about offering choices. Two great tools we decided to use together to get us out of this nightly dilemma. So at dinner we said, “We know you love to have your Binky for night-time story. But Mommy and Daddy are tired and can’t look for it anymore. You can either bring it up with you when you get ready for bed. Or, you can go look for it after you put on your pajamas.”

Neither girl made a comment, but we were wondering what they would do when they didn’t have their blanket (We were pretty sure they would forget to bring it upstairs, and they did!) When we started to read to them Alison said, “Wait I need my Binky.”  “Me too” from Katie. My husband said, “Oh this is so sad. Remember at dinner we told you we were too tired to look for it?” You can get up and go down stairs and look for it if you like.”

We were waiting for a meltdown or protest…… Nothing happened! After a short moment one of the girls said, “Read the story, too tired too.” That was it! No complaints, crying, or fuss. We read the story, kissed goodnight, and went downstairs. We really expected them to come out of their rooms, but they didn’t. Wow! It seemed unbelievable that the drama around night time could be shifted because of sincere empathy and offering some choices, but it worked!

Albert and Michelle

 

Great use of L&L! Do you have a story about “Offering Choices?” Please share on Facebook: www.facebook.com/clearpatheducation

 

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Almond Cookies

Posted on December 14, 2011 by janadaclark

I like this cookie recipe for many reasons.

  • It has only a few ingredients which makes it for a quick preparation.
  • You can lower the sugar amount (or use a sugar substitute like Splenda) and they still taste great.
  • You can add food coloring or sprinkles to change the look of the cookie.
  • The kids can do everything.

From tots to teens this is a simple recipe that is fun and easy to make no matter if you are 2 or 92! Enjoy!

Almond Cookie Recipe

Dry Ingredients:

1 cup flour 1 1/3 cups sugar (You could decrease this amount to 1 cup of regular sugar. You can also bake with Splenda if you prefer not to use sugar)

¼ teaspoon salt

2/3 cup sliced almonds

Cut in:

½ cup butter

1 beaten egg yolk

½ teaspoon almond extract

Directions:

Pour dry ingredients in bowl and stir. Using a plastic knife have child cut butter into dry mixture and add the almond extract.

Show them how to separate yolk from white. Have them gently crack egg in the middle. Place both thumbs on the crack and pull apart. Quickly turn the halves to one side so you retain the yolk in the cracked shell. Let white ooze off into a bowl. If this is too hard for them, you can do this yourself- although it is lots of fun to learn to crack an egg. Use up a few eggs practicing-that’s fun too. You can always do this yourself.

Now here comes the fun part:

Add the egg yolk and blend all the ingredients with your hands (washed of course!) Kids love this part!  Divide the dough into thirds and roll each part into a long roll about ½ inch thick. If you want you could add a different food coloring to each 1/3 of the dough. Have your child wear plastic gloves if you do this so the food coloring doesn’t get on their hands.

Take the plastic knife and cut dough in sections each about 2 inches.

Shape the cookie anyway you like. How about a ball, a moon, a snake? Flatten slightly. If you want, sprinkle on some sugar sprinkle.

Use a clean craft brush to brush the tops with egg whites.

Bake at 350 degrees about 15-20 minutes.

Did your kids have fun? Share your cooking experience on my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/clearpatheducation

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4 Stress Relief Tips to Better Enjoy the Holiday!

Posted on December 14, 2011 by janadaclark

4 Stress Relief Tips to Better Enjoy the Holidays… and make Shopping Entertaining & Decorating a Breeze!

Its official, the holiday season is here! Does just thinking about all the shopping, entertaining, and decorating and your ever-shrinking budget send you into a tizzy? Relax. With a bit of thoughtful preparation and some helpful parameters, you can achieve the look and outcome you want for you and your family-without being so stressed you can’t enjoy the season.

What are the tips to reduce stress and still enjoy the holiday season?

1. Spend Smarter

* Consider a budget. Don’t get caught shopping until you’ve given some consideration to how much you are able to spend. Think of those credit card bills in January-what can you honestly handle? If you love to shop, it may seem to take some fun out of it, but being faced with big bills in the New Year isn’t fun either.

* Be specific. Once you’ve put a realistic limit on spending, you know what you have to work with. Are you getting just a few high quality gifts or would it be better to get a number of less expensive gifts so kids and family have more to open? You decide what works best for you. Encourage your extended family to draw names instead of everyone getting gifts for the whole family.

* Make a list. You can make it very specific or general. Coming up with ideas of what your family would like gives you a starting point and helps you estimate how much you plan to spend on each person.

* Use only one credit card. This will help to keep track of purchases.

2. Shop Shrewder

* Start early. Don’t run the risk of being frustrated because they have run out of what you wanted. If you enjoy the hustle and bustle of last minute shopping, save it for small gifts such as stocking stuffers or little treats. Get the bigger items out of the way first.

* Go online. You are savvy enough to know this can lead to finding things at a lower price. You can also research where to find something if you want to buy in person and save time driving from one mall to another.

* Negotiate. It may surprise you to know that it is possible to ask for a lower price. You never know until you try. If you are buying in bulk, one or more could be slightly soiled, or you are in a small store that is owner owned and willing to bargain. They want the sale. Give it a try.

3. Entertain Effortlessly

* KISS: Keep it simple sister! As much as possible simplify the event. Make part of the menu take-out items from your favorite deli. Ask some guests to bring their specialty- most likely they will be happy you asked. Invite a family member or friend to co-host. If a fine dining experience is a must, hire some help. Plan to do as much as you can in advance. Setup the table the day before and prepare as much of the menu ahead of time.

* How about January? Some social events could be delayed until January. Consider which ones can be postponed. People’s schedules are generally more open mid-January. You may find more people can make it and you will have a better time because you aren’t so tired.

4. Downsize Decorating

* Get the whole family to help. Rethink how you want the house to look based on the ages of your children. What can they do so they can be a part of the celebration as well? If much of your decorating is complicated and time consuming, perhaps you want to pare things down a bit until your children are older. The point is to have FUN! And it’s no longer fun if you are up late at night working on hanging, arranging, etc. after everyone is in bed.

* Rein in. Count how many boxes you’ve taken down from storage. Sort out those items that you are tired of looking at or that simply look a bit tired. Donate them to a shelter or retirement home. They won’t think they look tired and will greatly appreciate new items to liven up the place. Decide to use some of the boxes and put the rest away. You won’t miss the decorations you didn’t use.

This year make your resolution BEFORE the holidays begin: More fun, less stress! Use these tips to keep stress at a minimum and enjoy the holidays. Which tips did you find most helpful? Please share what you did to make your holidays less stress on my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/clearpatheducation

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Stuff the Turkey NOT Yourself

Posted on November 17, 2011 by janadaclark

For many, the fourth Thursday in November can be the beginning of “holiday weight gain” from celebrating the holidays.

The Thanksgiving meal has been estimated to be 4,500 calories and 229 grams of fat!

But don’t blame the turkey. It’s all those side dishes loaded with butter, sugar, cream and oil. And after this celebration come the rest of the parties and celebrations.

Some health experts estimate party-goers and holiday celebrators could add up to as much as 5 pounds from Labor Day to New Years.

Others point out that even if the weight gain is only a pound or two, the weight put on during the holiday season often isn’t shed during the New Year.

The good news is: gaining weight is not a hopeless conclusion!

With planning and a little knowledge you can enjoy holiday fare without seeing an increase on the bathroom scale. Recognize some pitfalls that come with celebrating and put these tips to good use…and come January, those skinny jeans still fit!

10 challenges of holiday eating & 10 helpful tips for a successful outcome:

1. Skipping meals so you can “indulge”

Do you give up breakfast or lunch to “save up” your calories and can eat more? Hunger invites overeating. You could eat a lot in the time (20 minutes) it takes for your brain to get the message from your stomach: I am full.

TIP: Eat a healthy breakfast (or lunch). Make sure you have protein and ease off on the carbs. There will be plenty served at the main event.

2. Controlling your Portions

Rule of thumb: Take only one helping. No seconds. Don’t finish everything. Leave a small amount.

TIP: Use your hand as a portion guide: 

Closed Fist                                          = 1 cup

Palm (without fingers or thumb)   = 3-4 oz

Thumb                                                = 1 oz

3. Grazing & Mindless Eating

Do you fill up on all the snacks and hors d’oeuvres? An eye-catching smorgasbord of salty nuts, crunchy crackers, creamy cheese, mountains of potato chips and dip placed conveniently in front of the HD TV is so tempting. It’s likely you could eat an entire meal of over 1000 calories… even before the main event!

Tip: Be mindful of those little snacks. They add up quickly. One small handful of nuts is about 200 calories, the size and amount of a regular snack.

4. Selecting which foods to eat from a huge array of choices

Contrary to popular belief, you DO NOT need to have a serving of everything. Be choosy. Save your calories for the foods you really like and crave.

Tip: To lower calories:

1) Select white over dark meat-skip the skin

2) Use butermilk, fat-free chicken broth, fat-free sour cream or fat-free evaporated milk instead of butter in your mashed potatoes

3. Use a high fiber bread to make the dressing instead of prepackaged white bread cubes

4) Skip the dinner roll

5) Make the yams with crushed pineapple in its own juice instead of adding syrup or brown sugar. Add 2 tsp cinamon and 1 tsp chili powder for a flavor boost.

6)  Skip the green bean casserole with its deep fried onions and stir fry fresh green beans with a dash of olive oil

5. All or Nothing Thinking

I’ve already blown it by eating too much so I might as well enjoy myself.

TIP: Be kind to yourself. You may have slipped a bit, but tomorrow is another day.

6. Indulging…isn’t that what the holiday is all about?

TIP: Choose the lightest option (pumpkin is fewer calories than pecan). Eat only one piece. Eat only half. Skip the crust. You can enjoy a treat without over doing it.

7. Having so many “Leftovers”

Why do they always taste better the day after? Because you are not stuffed! Food tastes better when you are hungry.

TIP: Enjoy them as an added treat. However, don’t feel obligated to eat them. It is okay to toss them as well.

8. Alcohol….Yes, No, or Less

For some, a holiday meal isn’t complete without accompanied by a fine wine.

TIP: Limit your intake. Alcohol dims your judgment and increases your appetite. Lighten the alcoholic content by drinking wine spritzers. Drink a glass of water between each glass of wine and aim for a limit of two.

9. Not enough Time to Exercise

TIP: Move don’t snooze. Instead of napping everyone helps clean-up and then maybe a walk or outdoor game. Fifteen minutes of walking briskly will get your blood circulating and burn at least 100 calories.

10. Too much Focus on  the Food

TIP: Focus on what is really important. Take time to reflect on all your blessings. Focus on the fellowship of family and good friends. Enjoy the conversation. Share stories and catch up on life.

I hope these tips will be helpful as you enjoy this holiday season. What tip or tips will you choose?

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How to Raise Thankful Children

Posted on November 7, 2011 by janadaclark

Michael’s teacher commented, “I noticed your son says “thank you” quite often. And he’s sincere as well.

“Tell me how you’ve encouraged this.”

Michael’s mom, “Well, mostly we got tired of him not acknowledging or appreciating all the nice things we did for him. My husband and I were bothered by it until we had to admit, we didn’t often say thank you to each other either. We realized we weren’t setting a good example, so we made some big changes around the house.”

Read more »

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Put on Your Jacket!

Posted on November 7, 2011 by janadaclark

“Getting my son 8 year old son Chris to put on his jacket is typically a struggle. Even on rainy days. Don’ know why-just is. We were getting to leave for school and Chris was absorbed in doing a puzzle. I decided to offer choices. He wasn’t resistant (yet) and choices get cooperation, right?”

So I said, “Hey Chris, do you want to wear your jacket or carry it?”

“No response. Nothing. Didn’t even lift his head up. Time was running out and I really wanted him to wear his jacket. It was going to be a cold and rainy day.”

“All of a sudden my husband went into the hall closet and took out his jacket. (Chris has a jacket that looks just like his Dads.”)

Read more »

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No, Avocados are Adult Food

Posted on November 7, 2011 by janadaclark

How well does it usually go for you when you introduce a new food to your children?

I’m guessing sometimes not so good. Children are creatures of habit and are not usually enthusiastic about changes in their diet-or other changes as well.

Find out how this clever mom and dad introduced a new food to their daughter. See if you can recognize the THREE tools they used to entice their daughter to eat avocado. I happen to love avocados, but I do think they are a bit of an acquired taste and may not appeal to young children. Enjoy this story of how a five-year old decided she was grown up enough to eat avocados!

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EMPATHY-The most important Tool of all by Charles Fay

Posted on September 21, 2011 by janadaclark

Have you Forgotten Empathy?

It’s the simplest yet most difficult skill.

It’s the most powerful yet hardest to do.

It makes the difference between our kids learning responsibility versus learning resentment.

It’s the heart of Love and Logic, and it’s key to making just about any parenting technique work.

Those familiar with Love and Logic know that I’m talking about empathy. We’ve all seen it in action. We’ve all seen how much better kids respond when we provide strong doses of sincere empathy before we describe consequences.

That’s the Love and Logic formula: Heap on the empathy before providing the consequence.

Why it’s so easy to forget as we go through our daily lives with our families?

I don’t know. It just is. One strategy for staying on track is listening to the very same Love and Logic CD over and over again. The more times you listen, the easier it is to remember when the pressure is on. The CD, The Four Steps to Responsibility is my personal favorite. It reminds me that kids learn from mistakes only when they know that we really love them and care.

Thanks for reading!
Dr. Charles Fay

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What Did I Say?

Posted on September 19, 2011 by janadaclark

The Brain Dead Tool involves using a “one-liner” approach to whatever your child is arguing with you about. The goal is to disengage from what they are saying, because it is unimportant and very likely manipulative.

Remember: Children argue because they are testing your limit. That is their job.

YOUR job is to hold firm, keep the limit.

You don’t have to justify or explain your decision. Maybe you could have a talk at a later date when everyone is calm, BUT NOT NOW.

Read more »

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Silly Choices Suprise the Kids

Posted on September 15, 2011 by janadaclark

“After the Love and Logic session on “Offering Choices” I started right in giving many choices. My husband had sometimes thought I gave the kids too many choices and that it wasn’t really necessary.  Instead of trying to convince him it would help get our kids to become more cooperative, I simply started offering choices every chance I could think of. Lots and lots of them. Getting dressed, the way the put their toys away, dinner plate color, cup color, anything I could think of. One day he surprised me. I guess he thought he would give it a try too.” 

“He was cutting up some apple with our 3 and 6 yr boys. While cutting he asked, “Do you want it cut in two or three pieces? Do you want the skin on or off? Do you want seeds or no seeds?  Do you want worm or no worm?” 

“My kids thought it was so funny and silly that daddy was giving them so many choices just for their apple and they were just laughing at how silly daddy was being about a worm in their apple.  It was great to see my husband make a first step toward becoming a love and logic parent and seeing my kids respond so well to such a simple technique.”

This story makes me smile. I bet it makes you smile too. I’m so glad the mom hung in there and modeled offering choices instead of trying to talk her husband into it. He got it and added humor besides! I’m sure this lightened the mood for everyone and now this family has many more fun and silly moments around offering choices.

How about you trying silly choices? Do it! Inspire other parents to try this tool in a fun way and look forward to the results. Let me know how it goes!

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