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    The Five Mistakes Parents Make that Give Away Control

But… You Need a Power Point Presentation

Posted on April 26, 2012 by janadaclark

This story is from a Mom new to Love and Logic. She did a fantastic job of applying the tools. What really came through this story is the strong emotional bond between parents and children. Also when you use humor to diffuse a situation, everyone benefits. Notice too how Mom called “Empathy” and “Brain Dead” protective tools. That’s a new one for me and I really like it!

This Mom used 6 Love and Logic tools in one encounter plus some humor!

See if you can find these moments in the story:

Empathy

Brain Dead

Use of humor

Problem Solving

Refrain from being a Helicopter Parent

Modeling

Consultant Style Parenting  

One Friday night, my husband decided he wanted our son Matt to work on a school project that was due Monday. Matt had already planned out the night out in his head.  After dinner he hoped to relax while playing the X-Box.  When my husband told Matt he’d spend some time working with him, Matt was not happy and tried to negotiate postponing the work until Sunday.  My husband explained that he needed to work on it before then in order to have it done by Monday. 

My son pulled out all the stops.  “Not fair!” he cried, and “I’m going to do it on Saturday, not tonight,” he whined. After this arguing went on for a couple minutes, my husband looked at me and asked what tip I might suggest from Love and Logic class.  I proceeded to tell him about the protective tools of empathy and brain dead.  He put them to practice right away, first telling Matt that he understood his disappointment and then not getting upset by Andrew’s continued efforts to get out of working.

I, too, continued to show Matt empathy by repeating the line, “I know,” for all of his feelings of being treated unfairly. But when he said “Dad’s being mean,” I didn’t repeat the refrain, “I know.” Matt looked at me and told me I needed to say “I know.”  I laughed; it was refreshing to have a smile on my face rather than feel upset.  My husband remained firm and eventually Matt settled down to do his project.

On Sunday night I asked Matt if he would like me to show him how to use Power Point to help organize his speech he was giving Monday as part of his project. 

He said no.  He didn’t think he needed to present his work using power point and he thought he was well prepared to present to the judges.

In the past I would have tried to control the situation and insisted that Matt prepare a power point.  I knew using Power Point would ensure him to be successful in presenting his work.   But I remembered the importance of allowing children to make mistakes.  This situation provided an opportunity for Matt to have a “real world” learning experience that wasn’t too costly.

The next night when Matt presented his project in front of two judges, he felt nervous and anxious.  After only presenting a few minutes he was finished. He felt very relieved it was over and couldn’t wait to go home. 

During the car drive home, I asked him to evaluate how well he thought it went.   He said, “Just okay. I forgot several points I wanted to mention.”  I told him I know how difficult public speaking can be.  I mentioned that’s why when I’m presenting at “Back to School Night” to my student’s parents I always use Power Point to organize my information. We also discussed other tools you can use to be better prepared when giving a presentation. In our discussion that followed, I could tell Matt was thinking about his decision not to prepare his speech in advance, and how he could be better prepared next time.

Wow! This is effective parenting. The price tag Matt “paid” for not having a power point presentation is that he realized his report could have been better had he had one. What do you think are the odds he will most likely have one the next time around?

Instead of lecturing or rubbing salt in the wounds  by saying……. “Well, if you’d listened to me and had a Power Point you’d have had a better report and maybe gotten a better grade. Too bad.” (What parenting style is this? Drill Sergeant!) the mom simply pointed out her need to have one when doing presentations.

Here are the answers:

Empathy: Both Mom (being treated unfairly) and Dad (understood disappointment)

Brain Dead: Mom “I know” and them smiling

Problem Solving: Mom-Do you need a power point?

Refrain from being a Helicopter parent: Mom didn’t step in and insist on power pt.

Modeling: Mom: I use a power point in my work

Consultant Style Parenting: Mom: asking how it went so Matt could reflect on the experience and learn from his mistake

This story examplifies how you can be new to Love and Logic and still be successful in applying the tools! Hope this inspired you to keep on practicing. Which tool do you use with ease? Share your tool on my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/clearpatheducation.

Filed under: Effective parenting, Parenting | Leave a Comment »

Tips for Dad & Kids for a Perfect Mother’s Day for Mom

Posted on April 26, 2012 by janadaclark

Mother’s Day continues to be one of America’s favorite holidays. On this most popular day of the year to dine out, book early to get a reservation at your favorite restaurant! Ever since 1914, when Woodrow Wilson made it an official national holiday, kids and their dads have used this special day as a way to honor, show appreciation and express affection for Mommy.

This is the one day of the year that is just for Mom, and there are many ways to help make Mother’s Day more special for her.

Remind her to do something for herself.

Since moms are natural caretakers, busy taking care of everyone else, it may be a bit of a stretch for them to enjoy a day that revolves around what they want to do. But they really need—and deserve—just that!

How can you help Mom do something for herself? Encourage her to try one of these:

  • Savor some time alone. Give her time to pamper herself with a bubble bath or read without any interruptions.
  • Give herself a gift. There’s no rule against rewarding herself for being such a great mom. Ask if there is something special she would really like; she may be afraid to ask for it.
  • Connect with a friend. Give her time with a friend to chat, meet for coffee, attend a movie or special event.
  • Celebrate another day. Family commitments with her mom and mother-in-law may mean she may not have the opportunity to make it her own special day. If this is the case, give her another day that is her very own.
  • Create a Mother’s Day Honey-Do list. Invite her to give you a list of activities she normally does such as shopping, getting kids to school, cooking or running errands. Offer to be “Mom” for a day! Not only will you give her the gift of a carefree day; you will have new insight into all she does for the family!

If you’re searching for a special gift, here are some options that might make her day:

  1. Spa day. Book a spa for massage, facial or even a lesson in makeup application.
  2. Mini makeover. Make an appointment for her to receive a manicure, pedicure, new hairstyle, micro-dermabrasion or even Botox!
  3. New ensemble. Arrange for a personal shopper at her favorite boutique.
  4. Hire a fitness trainer or life coach. Give Mom the gift of a professional “encourager” to help her achieve new goals in her life.
  5. Attend a class. Check out the local community center or college. Treat her to a class of her choice—better yet, go with her!
  6. Night out. Take Mom to a museum, play, concert or out dancing.
  7. Donate to her favorite charity. This is the type of gift that keeps on giving.
  8. Take a hike. Check out your local hiking trails and choose one appropriate for the whole family.
  9. Ride a bike. Go on a ride together. Got two kids old enough to pedal on their own? How about renting several bicycles-built-for-two with each of you taking a kid along?
  10. Gift certificate for tennis or golf lessons. Give her the time to try these or any other sport she enjoys.
  11. Family Photo. Gather together the whole crowd for a great family portrait. Hire a professional, or do it yourself. Mom will treasure this.
  12. Kids can serve Mom breakfast in bed.

Here’s an easy recipe that most children can do all by themselves—with just a bit of supervision from you!

Bacon & Egg Muffin Cup

What you need: Jumbo sized muffin pan (Found online from Target, Amazon, or kitchen specialty store) ½ English muffin 2 Tablespoons bacon crumbles, precooked 1 Tablespoon shredded cheese of your choice-cheddar is great! 1 large egg

Directions

1. Child presses an English muffin carefully into bottom of a Jumbo- sized muffin tin.  Help them make a little circle.

2. Child spoons in bacon and cheese.

3. Assist them with cracking the egg and empty into muffin.

4. Bake in 350 degree oven for about 5-10 minutes until egg is cooked. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Hope these tips and ideas make for a happy Mother’s Day!

Filed under: Effective parenting, Recipe, Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »

Daugher Uses Choices on Mom…. Son Pushes Limit With Mom

Posted on April 26, 2012 by janadaclark

Here are two stories from the same family. The first story is short and light hearted.

This is one smart little girl! She catches on to the concept of Love and Logic.

The use of Mom’s humor and light-hearted response is refreshing.  The other story is a brave mom who stuck to her limits, didn’t cave, and had a wonderful outcome. As in the other article in this newsletter, humor used lovingly can be very powerful in enhancing a relationship.

Daughter Gives Mom “Choices”

After many days of using the choices on my daughter – would you like this or that, etc. she tried to be funny one night.  She wanted to watch some TV and I told her she had watched enough TV for the day and it was time to do something else.  I gave her two choices, neither of which were TV.  She looked at me with a smirk on her face and said, “Okay mommy, I’m going to give you two choices, you can let me watch TV or I’m going to behave very badly.” 

 I replied, “Nice try!”  

Son Pushes Limit with Mom

The other day we had friends in town and we were headed to a fun bookstore to read books.  My friend told me she was going to buy her boys a book.  I then went to my kids and explained to them that our friends were on vacation and therefore they were going to buy a book for the plane ride home but we wouldn’t be buying anything so not to whine or throw a fit but that we would have fun reading books and they were happy with that. 

After being at the book store for a while my son spotted a little parrot finger puppet.  He LOVES parrots!  He really wanted this and I kind of wanted to buy it for him because I knew it was really cute and I knew he’d love it and play with it all the time but I had to stick with my word and be consistent that we weren’t buying anything. 

He started to cry. 

I started with empathy by saying “Oh this is so sad” and then when he kept begging for the toy I went into brain-dead and he stopped asking for it within 30 seconds.  What use to be a long drawn out temper tantrum that ended in me dragging him out of the store with us both exhausted and frustrated turn into a moment that was diffused within a minute and we all left happy. 

 Thank you Love and Logic!!

This is effective parenting! Mom paid the small price of being momentarily uncomfortable because she wanted to buy the toy. However she knew the message it would send if she did: I didn’t really mean what I said.” So she stuck to her original commitment of not buying it. The outcome was a good one. No exhausted mom, no temper tantrums and the relationship remains intact and loving.

When was the last time you had to “pay” the price tag of being momentarily uncomforable because you had to stick to a limit that made your child sad or even cried? Share your experience on my Facebook page. www.facebook.com/clearpatheducation

Believe me, we can all relate and we want to show you some empathy!

Filed under: Effective parenting, Parenting | Leave a Comment »

Parenting Tweens/Teens with Love and Logic

Posted on April 7, 2012 by janadaclark

 Instructor: Janada Clark MA

* Frustrated with all the arguing?

* Exasperated with having to say the same thing over and over?

* Is “grounding” not working as well as you’d like?

 * Tired of taking things away or reducing privileges with little results?

* Like to see more cooperation and respect?

 * Looking for ways to build a more positive relationship?

Then this is the class for you!

Join this lively and interactive class and learn a loving and effective way to strengthen your relationship with your tween/teen. Apply practical strategies you can use right away and bring calmness back into your household.

As a parent education instructor at Stanford and other organizations and schools throughout the community, Janada offers practical, easy-to use, techniques that will help you neutralize arguing and come up with consequences that are both effective and loving. 

Using Love and Logic, a parenting program that has been around for over 30 years and used across the nation in homes and schools, this class focuses on finding practical solutions to everyday challenges of raising tweens & teens. Look forward to joining a group of parents that are going through similar issues and challenges. Sharing and learning together, this class offers a built-in support group as you apply 12 tools.

* The “magic” response to arguments & back talk and how to neutralize them.

* A tool to show you care and keep tween/tween from seeing you as the “bad guy.”

* Ways to gain more cooperation.

 * Explore parenting styles: “Helicopter” “Drill Sergeant” “Consultant”                                

* Get chores and homework done in a timely manner without reminding or nagging.

* A unique approach to offering an allowance.         

* How to let teens solve their own problems and find their own solutions.

* Use of a delayed consequence to give you time to think of an effective consequence.

* Apply a strategy for gaining back respect for the time and effort you put into their world.

* The steps to a Family Meeting that can bring about greater communication and respect.

Location: Central Middle School Library 828 Chestnut Street San Carlos

Dates: 4 Tuesdays: April 10, 17, 24, May 1

Time: 7-9 PM Cost: $150 Individual $225 Couple

Registration: www.janadaclark.com

Includes: Parent Workbook, weekly handouts and use of Love and Logic DVD and CDs.

Filed under: Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »

Pringles and the “Uh Oh Song”

Posted on April 2, 2012 by janadaclark

I wanted to try out the Uh Oh Song on my 4 year old daughter when I learned it a few weeks ago, but I was disappointed an opportunity didn’t arise… until yesterday.

I was vacuuming the house, when I went into the guest room/office and discovered a can of Pringles with its contents spilled all over the carpet. I immediately called my daughter into the room and gently held her hand and sang, “Uh Oh. This is so sad.”

She asked me, “What is Uh Oh?” I said it’s time to go in your room and walked her in. I asked if she wanted the door open or closed and she replied, “Open.” I said “I’ll see you in a bit. I’ll set the timer and when you are calm, you can come out.”

I put the chips into the trash and vacuumed the area and the room. I could hear my daughter crying in her room, but she stayed in there with the door open. Next, I vacuumed my bedroom and during that time, she calmed down and wasn’t crying anymore so I set the timer for 2 minutes. When the timer went off I went to her room, hugged her and told her I missed her. I asked if she wanted to help me vacuum her room and she obliged happily.

This morning as I thanked her for helping me put sunscreen on her, I added that she has been very helpful and has been doing well. She said, “Yes, but I did something bad yesterday.” I asked her what and she said, “I opened up the chips and spilled them all in the office.” I said with a smile, “Yes, that was sad, but I bet you won’t do that again!” She said no and I gave her a big hug. All of this with no reminders of what she had done the day before. I love the Uh Oh Song!  Thomas

This Dad did a great job with the Uh Oh Song. He followed the steps perfectly, even though it was his first time using it.Notice he did not have to remind her about her misbehavior. She knew!

How did you do the first time with Uh Oh Song? Please let us know on my FB page:www.facebook.com/clearpatheducation

Filed under: Effective Parenting | Leave a Comment »

Emotional & Physical Benefits to Walking

Posted on March 20, 2012 by janadaclark

You are in the midst of a stressful, heated discussion when someone yells, “Oh, go take a hike!” 

The intent was not most likely one of a friendly proposal on how to reduce stress, but it actually is a great piece of advice! Hiking, or if you prefer, walking are wonderful ways to reduce stress.

Of course, any form of exercise contributes to lowering stress so why walk?

Consider this: Walking is a lifetime exercise. It is something you do all your life, regardless of age, fitness ability or energy level.

Walking is a basic movement done on a daily basis.

Walking is handy.

Walking is inexpensive.

Walking is safe.

Why does walking reduce stress?

Walking sets up a rhythm. The swinging of arms in opposition to legs establishes a pace soothing to the body. The cadence created by this pattern of movement also helps to exercise the right-left brain connection. To enhance the benefits of walking “in rhythm” listen to music. Studies have shown people walk farther and are motivated to continue walking when listening to upbeat, lively music.

Walking tones our muscles, helps to relieve tension, promotes sleep, aids keeping weight in check, and is a natural preventative against certain diseases. The physical benefits of walking to reduce stress go on and on. Walk to reduce stress and be healthy and physically fit. Take a look at both the physical and emotional benefits of walking.

Physical Health Benefits of walking:

* Walk for two weeks-see your blood pressure drop.

* Walk another two weeks-cholesterol counts are lowered.

* Walk for more than a month-heart and lungs become stronger and more efficient and resting pulse rate decreases.

* Walk on a regular basis and have a better chance at maintaining weight due to a higher metabolic rate and the additional calories you burn.

* Walk consistently and experience a natural relief from tension and anxiety.

* Walk frequently and see your muscles become more toned.

* Walk a lot and enjoy a better night’s sleep.

* Walk briskly and improve the heart and lungs ability to oxygenate muscles and the brain.

* Walk habitually and enjoy its preventative features from certain diseases such as heart disease, diabetes, osteoporosis, and hypertension to name a few.

Emotional Benefits of walking:

* Walking distracts you from your problems. A change of scenery while walking can take your thoughts away from stressful issues. Choose a route that is enjoyable visually and vary it for variety.

* Walking improves your ability to solve problems. When you walk, you think. Walking expands mental productivity. As you reflect on different scenarios, answers come. Walking can ease the struggle of decision making, allowing you to come to a solution in a less stressful manner.

* Walking boosts your creativity. When you walk, you think. New ideas emerge as you let your imagination do its thing. Inspirations can come from a walk that will surprise you. Be expectant.

* Walking enhances your social network. Whether you invite a friend to join you or simply enjoy the opportunity of spontaneous conversations with others you encounter, walking and talking go together. Meshing the two together is an obvious match.

* Walking helps you feel better about yourself. When finished with a walk, the sense of accomplishment you feel about exercising will contribute to your self-esteem and increase your motivation to do it again the next day.

Seems kind of odd the simple act of walking can either distract from or help to solve problems, but it does. Use walking for either approach, whatever makes most sense at the time. Walking improves your emotional state giving you an additional tool to cope with stress.

How often?

30 minutes a day, four to five times a week.

If you can’t do 30 minutes all at once, break it up into smaller increments, 10 or 15 minutes several times a day.

How fast?

Consider your fitness level first, then pace yourself accordingly.  A pace of 60-80% of your maximum heart rate is a good rule of thumb.

Have goals?

Set a goal for yourself, a certain distance in a given amount of time. When you’ve achieved it, set a new one.

Have moderation?

No need to get carried away thinking you have to “power walk” your way to the Olympics! Focus on thoughts and feelings as well as your walking style, reducing both physical and emotional stress.

Have commitment?

Make a pledge with yourself to make walking part of your healthy lifestyle. Keep track of your improvement. Record the increased health benefits you notice.

Hope these tips helped encouraged you to walk more. Now, Go take a hike!

Filed under: Uncategorized, Wellness | Leave a Comment »

Happy Spring! Healthy Tips & Ideas for the Holidays

Posted on March 20, 2012 by janadaclark

Springtime is a time to celebrate: warmer weather, gardens blooming with tulips and daffodils, a break from the school schedule, family gatherings with food and fun, and for some a meaningful religious holiday. However you approach this holiday season would you like….

* Simple and healthy side dish ideas to serve with your Passover or Easter meal?

* Alternatives besides the traditional the chocolate bunnies and jelly beans for Easter Baskets?

* Games the whole family can play?

Here is my recipe for a healthy side dish for Passover

Spinach Mushroom Kugel

Ingredients:

12 ounces sliced mushrooms

1 ½ onions finely chopped

3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil

2 lbs frozen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed dry

4 eggs

1/3 cup mayo

½ cup light balsamic vinaigrette

2 teaspoons beef bouillon granules

3 tablespoons almond meal

Directions: Set aside approx. 2 oz. of mushroom for garnish. In oil, sauté onions and mushrooms until onions are translucent and mushrooms soften. Add spinach and mix well. Stir together eggs, mayo, and bouillon granules till they dissolve. Add in veggies and almond meal. Spread evenly in a lightly greased 8 x 8 baking dish. Top with remaining mushrooms to garnish. Bake for 1 hour at 350. Cut into squares to serve.

Here is my recipe for a Healthy side dish for your Easter Dinner

Rutabagas are excellent source of Vit C, are high in fiber, and have a delicate, sweet flavor that gives a hint of the light freshness of cabbage.

Oven-Baked Rutabaga “Fries”

Ingredients:

3 Rutabagas

2 Tablespoons Olive oil

Salt, garlic powder, and paprika to taste

Directions: Preheat oven to 425. Peel rutabagas and slice in ¼ inch rounds. If you prefer, cut into strips-but will cook faster and have to be watched carefully or will burn.  Brush with olive oil, salt and place on nonstick baking sheet. Rutabagas will cook in about 12 minutes, turning twice. Remove when golden brown and tender. Sprinkle with garlic powder or herb of choice.

How about some healthy alternatives for your child’s Easter Basket?

* Use non-edible treats: pocket-sized games, paperback books, stickers, stuffed animals, tickets to a movie, gift certificates, inexpensive jewelry, hair ornaments, lip gloss, silly socks, decorative shoelaces, child-sized balls, Nerf ball, fun tee-shirts, temporary tattoos, Play dough, mini bottle of bubbles, or art supplies.

* Build around a theme. What does your child like? If you child likes soccer, fill the basket with everything associated with soccer-socks, picture of their favorite professional team, tickets to a game, etc.

* Use sugar-free candy. Just Born Inc. the company famous for Peeps now has a sugar-free variety. Jelly Belly makes sugar-free jelly beans that can be ordered online.  Russell Stove offers sugar-free chocolate bunnies. Chocolate a must?  Keep the portions reasonable like one bunny or a few small chocolate eggs or select dark chocolate which has the benefit of antioxidants.

Easter Games & Activities

* Invite the adults to fill plastic Easter eggs with treats. Use mostly trinkets instead of candy. * Have an Easter Egg decorating party-use either hard boiled or plastic eggs * Plan an Easter egg hunt-have everyone join in hiding the eggs. The youngest hide first, followed by older children up through and including adults. The youngest get to gather first, leaving the well hidden ones to be found by the oldest of the group. Carry an empty egg carton to store the eggs as you find them. * Do an Easter Egg run-see who can run the fastest while holding an egg on a spoon * Do an Easter Egg toss-see who can toss a raw egg the farthest without breaking * Decorate Easter Baskets to be distributed to a Women’s shelter

Passover Games & Activities

* Treasure Hunt:

a) Hide the Afikomen somewhere in the house.

b) Write out a series of clues that will lead the kids from the dining room table to the                        Afikomen.

c) Hide the clues underneath the kids’ plates or glasses.

d) Start the hunt with a clue that you read and then let the fun begin.

* The Red Sea:

After telling the story that after the Tenth Plague the Israelites left Egypt and marched to the Red Sea, invite everyone to think of a word that rhymes with Sea. Go round your table. Keep score to “see” how many rhyming words you can name.

Hope these tips and ideas make for a happy Spring! Please post on my Facebook www.facebook.com/clearpatheducation any ideas you used to make your holiday healthy and happy.

Filed under: Effective Parenting, Recipe | Leave a Comment »

Why is my Kid Always Testing the Limit? by Jim Fay

Posted on March 9, 2012 by janadaclark

Jim shares this story about a conversation he had with a Mom who made a great discovery about how going Brain Dead can enhance her relationship with her child and keep her from getting angry.

This mom glowed with excitement as she rushed up to me minutes before the conference began.

“Jim! I made the greatest connection about why you teach us to neutralize our kids’ arguing and begging. Even though I got good at saying, ‘So what did I say?’ And even though it worked well, I was still upset that I had to use it frequently.”

“I kept thinking that if I just did it the right way, my own kids would just accept the limits I set for them. It irritated me that they would test the limits more than the kids in my classroom.”

“So tell me about the connection,” I said.

“I was listening to you and Charles on the CD, The Love and Logic Classroom, where you both talked about limits. Something you said made it clear that testing and trying to stretch limits is a way kids check to assure themselves that the adults can, and will, provide physical and emotional safety.”

“That’s right, but what was the connection you made?”

“Here it is, Jim.”

“Now I have a different feeling each time my kids beg for things they shouldn’t have, or when they try to test limits. I used to get frustrated, asking myself what I was doing wrong. I would also get mad at them. But that’s all changed now.”

“Well, what do you do now?”

“Here’s what’s so great, Jim. Now I tell myself that they are just checking to see if I still love them enough to provide limits. It’s a totally different mindset.” “I still say, ‘So what did I say?’ when they test. But when I do, I feel like I’m giving them a gift-the gift of loving limits.

“Thanks for all you do for us. I hope you and Charles keep churning out new CDs. I love listening to them when I drive.”

Thanks for reading, and remember that the child’s job is to test the limits, and your job is to enforce them.

Jim Fay

Filed under: Effective Parenting, Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »

The Vending Machine Caper

Posted on March 9, 2012 by janadaclark

This story was sent in by a parent new to Love and Logic. She was handling a meltdown the way she normally did, with lots of explaining….. and things weren’t going well.

All of a sudden she remembered a tool she had just been introduced to in class the night before. And Voila! Things started going a lot better.

“We were at the ice skating rink and my son asked if he could have a snack from the vending machine. We have an agreed allotment of fifty cents for any vending machine expenditures while at the ice skating rink. So my little guy decided to spend his fifty cents on hot cocoa.

As soon as he got his hot cocoa, he then asked if he could also buy Skittles from the neighboring vending machine. I told him that we had no more money-that the hot cocoa was it. He wanted to know why he couldn’t also have the Skittles. I started to explain why and the more I did, the more we both became unglued. It wasn’t until I caught a glimpse of another parent looking at us that I thought it was best to move away from the vending machines.

As I tried to navigate my reluctant child to a nearby table and bench, I suddenly remembered what my husband and I had just learned in Janada’s Love and Logic class earlier that week!

So with my child sitting across from me at the table going on about why he couldn’t have Skittles, I took a breath and said, “I know….it’s hard, I know.” And I kept repeating this phrase gently to his every statement.

When I saw his body language go limp at the shoulders-he looked slumped and defeated, I tried to empathize and said, “ I can see how hard this is for you. I know.” I pushed the cup of hot cocoa over to him and said, “Here, the hot cocoa has cooled down a bit so why don’t you take a sip?”

I couldn’t believe what happened next!

He didn’t say another word. He took a sip of the cocoa and then ran off to ice skate.

 I was able to breathe again and was almost giddy as I thought to myself, “Wow! The Brain Dead and Empathy Tools really worked!”  Lily

 

Filed under: Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »

Grandparenting 101

Posted on February 21, 2012 by janadaclark

Grandparents are a Gift! How can you use them as a great resource?

Today’s grandparent has a very different lifestyle from the grandparents who lived thirty years ago.

Nowadays many grandparents are still working full time. They are Internet savvy. Their health is often great as they are active and productive with a range of interests and hobbies as well as a career.

What hasn’t changed is that a typical grandparent is as “gaga” over their grandchild as ever. Being a grandparent is exciting and begins a whole new phase of life for them as well as for the entire extended family. Many grandparents look forward to opportunities to be with their grandchild as often as they can. Most would put a high priority on being seen as supportive to you-the daughter or daughter-in-law.

Grandparents, often the grandmother, could be making your life a bit easier. Being a new mom is challenging and can be overwhelming. Having an extra pair of helping hands could do wonders to help make the household run a bit smoother.

Whether you are fortunate enough to have them nearby or not, they still have the potential to be a wonderful resource for the new family.

How so?

To start off, make sure you make your needs clearly known.

It may seem to be unnecessary, but the best way to get support from them is to ASK for it.  Don’t assume grandparents know what you need or how they can help. Most grandparents are eager to help and really want to be an added resource for you. Sometimes however, they don’t know how to best support and need some guidance.

Be specific: Could you stop at the store? Wash the dishes? Run an errand? etc.

In my Baby Play class I teach at Day One, a resource center in Palo Alto for new families, I often hear this from new moms::

 ”I wish my mom would ask what I need help with. I know she loves holding and playing with the baby, but what I really need is for her to do my laundry. Maybe not as fun, but it would sure help.”

Grandparents can unduly stress new parents in their eagerness to help.

How is that?

They enjoy giving advice. After all, they’ve raised you and you turned out okay. They want to share their wisdom. However, they need to understand that unsolicited advice is not helpful. Grandparents are well meaning, but may not even be aware of this.

 Another comment I often hear from new moms:

”I don’t want to hurt my mom’s feelings but I want to raise my baby the way I think is best. Sometimes I don’t feel respected when she tells me I am not doing things the way she would do them.”

Grandparenting sounds simple but it can get complicated!

If you’d like your child’s grandparents to understand how best to learn some tips on how to be a great resource for you, please consider recommending this workshop: 

Grandparenting 101

Location:  Day One at Town & Country in Palo Alto

Date: Wednesday Feb 29 6 PM-7:30 PM.

Tips for grandparents include what’s new in the birthing process, newborn care, baby equipment and safety, and how to be helpful and supportive are just some of the topics that will be covered. If you are a new mom, or know of a first time mom looking to suggest a helpful class for the grandparents-please pass this opportunity on. Please call Day One at 322-3291 for registration and fee information. Hope to see you in class!

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You are so Mean! I’m Quitting Basketball!

Posted on February 16, 2012 by janadaclark

This comment “You’re mean and so I’m quitting basketball” completely baffled and confused a mom who was on her way to take her 12 year old son to basketball practice that night. She wasn’t sure what to do as she couldn’t make her son get out of the car and go to practice so she turned the car around and drove home.

On the way back she tried to reason with him saying “But you like the team and the coach.” “You always enjoy playing the game.” “Everyone is counting on you.”  “This is your only outside activity, I can’t just let you quit.” No matter what she said he had an answer. And his answer was “No way.”

Matthew reasoned it this way. Both Mom and Dad were asking him to do too much stuff-like finish his homework and do chores before he went to practice. In his mind this was being mean since he couldn’t possibly get it all done before practice so his only option was to quit. But if his parents changed their minds and let him get out of doing chores and finishing his homework when he felt like it, then he would reconsider and go back to practice. Mom and Dad were stuck-so they called me. Together we put a plan together and here’s the rest of the story.

I explained to the parents that their son was in a way “blackmailing” them into giving in on his household obligations and homework responsibilities. He knew that his playing a sport was important to them as they wanted him to have this experience. If he could force them to ease up on their requirements, he could call the shots and have things his way.

Of course the real world doesn’t work this way. Responsibilities are not influenced by whether a person feels like completing them -they are part of growing up. Since Love and Logic is all about preparing your child for the real world, we came up with a plan.

Matthew was told the decision was his to make.  If he decided not to play basketball, he had to call the coach himself and explain why. If he decided to return, all chores and responsibilities were unchanged. The parents also called the coach and let him know the situation. Matthew might call and the coach was to set the standard for returning-no special treatment.

At first Matthew refused to call and wanted his parents to talk with the coach. His parents told him that wasn’t an option-he had to make the call one way or the other. A few days before practice, Matthew started expressing an interest in returning to practice. His parents simply said, “It’s your decision. Nothing changes around here. You must call the coach and tell him you want to return.”

The night before practice, he finally called the coach. Mom and Dad were not present and let him handle it all on his own. When he came back, he had a big smile on his face. “The coach says I can come back as long as I finish up at home first!” Mom and Dad smiled, “Great. We knew you could figure this out. Glad to hear you are back on the team.  As soon as you finish your chores tomorrow, we’ll drive you to practice.”

What’s the moral of this story?

1. Put together a plan when your stuck. Don’t ever apologize or feel you are falling short as a parent just because you can’t come up with a plan on the spot. This can be tough-so reach out for help.

2. Hold firm to your limit. The parents did a fantastic job of holding firm to the reasonable limit they set. While their son tried to make them feel bad and get out of his responsibilities, they knew better. They couldn’t be “guilted” into changing expectations or household responsibilities.

3. Hand the problem back to your child. The parents didn’t own the problem of whether or not to continue playing basketball. They firmly placed this problem/decision with the son. They supported and encouraged him to make a decision. They were brave enough to let their son make a mistake and live with the consequences. (His mistake would have been to drop out of basketball-which he didn’t do!)

4. Aim to use a consultant style of parenting. Because his parents used the Love and Logic approach Matthew learned a valuable life skill. Responsibilities and chores are part of life. He learned to meet his obligation first. Then he could enjoy the perks that come with responsible behavior. Isn’t this what we want our kids to learn?

Great job parents! Way to go Matthew!

Has your child ever tried to a similar method? Remember, it’s the parent’s job to set the limit and the kid’s job to test them. If you have a “limit testing” story-please share it on my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/clearpatheducation

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Family Friendly Super Bowl Party

Posted on February 3, 2012 by janadaclark

The Super Bowl is more than a football game-its tradition! For some, it doesn’t matter so much who wins or loses; it’s all about the half time show and of course the amazing commercials that everyone loves to talk about the next day. And it’s the perfect event to bring the family together. After a hectic and busy holiday season, it’s kind of nice to cozy up in front of the television with everybody rooting for their team. Invite some neighborhood families and enjoy the game!

Here are some simple tips to keep your Super Bowl Party hassle-free and fun for the whole family.

Plan a simple meal.

You don’t want to spend time in the kitchen away from the action. Ask your kids what their favorite foods are and have everyone get to pick something. It may not be the most nutritionally balanced, but it’s only one meal. If friends are joining, make it potluck. The point is to make it simple.

Offer a variety of finger foods.

Food that doesn’t require silverware makes it easier to eat in front of the TV and the kids will love eating with their fingers.

Dress in your favorite team colors.

Got a jersey? Wear it or simply wear T-shirts in your team’s colors. Face painting is always fun too.

Decorate with a Football theme.

Use a green tablecloth with yard lines drawn with chalk or string. Hang balloons, streamers, homemade posters throughout the room. Kids love decorating.

Plan activities for kids.

Little ones could get bored so have some games available for them to play. Download some football-themed pictures from them to color or even better-make your own. Use a black marker and draw a football. Kids can color it or decorate it with colored paper scrapes using a glue stick.

Plan activities for adults and kids to do together.

Play the “secret” word game. Select a word that can’t be said during the game. Everyone begins the game with 10 football stickers. If you say the word, the first person who heard you say it gets your sticker. The person with the most stickers at the end of the game is the winner.

Vote on each commercial.

Funniest, Best, Worst. Play scavenger hunt with commercials. Before the game, write down or draw simple pictures of the types of commercials shown during the Super Bowl, such as soda, fast food, and car commercials. Have kids then cross off the items being advertised as they come on.

Don’t forget dessert.

Kids love desserts and here are two simple desserts kids can do.

  • Cupcakes: Make cupcakes and decorate with your team’s colors. Or use green frosting and draw lines or numbers with white decorating gel. The small tube is easy for most little ones to use.
  • Cocoa Rice Krispie footballs: Follow the recipe on the box using melted marshmallows or marshmallow crème, wait until slightly cooled and mold into a football shape. Decorate with white decorating gel.

Hope these simple tips make for a fun family friendly Super Bowl Party. May it be a great one for you and your family! Go Team!

 

Would love to hear about your Superbowl Party! Post a comment on my Fan Page www/facebook.com/clearpathedcucation and let us know how it went.

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Stress Management Workshop for Families Going Thru Challenges

Posted on January 23, 2012 by janadaclark

Is your family going through tough times? Could you be facing separation, divorce, a family member with a serious illness or debility, or other difficult family dynamics?

In February I am facilitating a group for parents at Menlo Park Presbyterian Church. This workshop, Families Navigating Life’s Challenges, is open to anyone seeking some support and new skills to navigate challenging times.

The class will learn coping skills as you go through the 6 levels of change:

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

Hope

Change is a part of life but it can feel threatening and scary to kids and overwhelming to parents. Change creates losses that must be grieved and upsets our sense of security and makes us adapt to new ways of living.

We will examine each level.

  • How this is a normal reaction to change.
  • How you can get stuck. How to get unstuck.
  • How to model healthy behavior to your child as you go through each step of the process.

Join other parents in a non-judgmental confidential environment of support and encouragement. This launch group is an opportunity for you to connect with other parents as we learn new coping skills as well as learning how to model and teach these skills to your child. We will provide a booklet of fun activities and simple projects to do with your child at home each week. Free childcare will be provided.

Families Navigating Life’s Challenges meets Thursdays beginning Feb 9-March 29 from 6:45-8:15. There is a $10 charge for materials. To register: www.mppc.org Click on Launch Groups.

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10 Tips & Tricks to Get You Back to the Gym

Posted on January 23, 2012 by janadaclark

If you’ve discovered your favorite pair of skinny jeans doesn’t make you look so skinny, you may be thinking “Hmm…time to go back to the gym.” This is the time of year when even people who hate the gym think about going to the gym. Begin the New Year with a bit of sweating. But if you’re going to join a gym—or returning to the gym after a long vacation you may need a little motivation to get you back again.

Here are 10 tips that my trainer, Mark Lipanski and I put together to help you pack up that gym bag and get back on track. With a little added humor, they all hold points to consider. All are true, some are funny and a few are hard to admit.

1. A gym is not designed to make you feel instantly better about yourself. If a gym wanted to make you feel instantly better about yourself, it would be a mall with lots of sale items that fit.

2. Give yourself a goal and develop a routine. Try to go at least 3 times a week. Maybe you want to lose 10 pounds. Maybe you want to be a cheerleader for the New York Jets. But be warned: Losing 10 pounds is hard.

3. No one in the history of gyms has ever lost a pound while reading “People Magazine” and slowly pedaling a recumbent bicycle.

4. Don’t fall for gimmicks. The only tried-and-true method to lose 10 pounds in 48 hours is food poisoning.

5. Sorry, that’s not a “recovery energy bar with antioxidant dark chocolate.” That’s a chocolate bar.

6. If you’re motivated to buy an expensive home exercise machine, consider a “wooden coat rack.” It costs $40, uses no electricity and does the exact same thing.

7. There’s the yoga instructor everyone loves, and the yoga instructor everyone hates. Memorize who they are.

8. If a gym class is going to be effective, it’s hard. If you’re relaxed and enjoying yourself, you’re at the spa.

9. If you’re at the point where you’ve bought biking shoes for the spinning class, you may as well go ahead and buy an actual bike. Its way more fun and you don’t have to listen to music you don’t like.

10. Fact: Thinking about going to the gym burns between 0 and 0 calories.

Some are funny. Maybe a few you didn’t want to hear. But all are truthful. With or without a gym membership, find some fun ways to get move movement back into your daily routine. Which ones will help you get back to exercising? Please let me know!

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5 Tips to Get Your New Years Resolution to Stick

Posted on January 23, 2012 by janadaclark

Everyone talks about making a New Year’s Resolution. It’s a cultural habit we all seemed to have picked up over the years. Here are some fun facts about New Year’s Resolutions:

* Over half of Americans make 3 or more resolutions.

* Top resolutions involve health related issues: Exercise, decreasing work, weight loss, stop smoking/drinking, stress management.

* People generally make more resolutions to START a new habit versus BREAK an old one.

* By mid-year about half abandon their resolution.

* If successful, about 40% did it on their first attempt. The rest made multiple tries- as many as 6 attempts before succeeding.

* If you were successful in achieving resolutions in the previous year, you are more likely to succeed with each succeeding year.

In other words, if you are thinking seriously about making a New Year’s Resolution, stick with it. Even if unsuccessful the first time or two, statistics are on your side if you are persistent.

Most resolutions are generally related to self-care: more exercise, better eating habits, lowering stressful situations, decrease drinking, or to stop smoking. One that seems to be a high priority today for many parents with young children is to downsize schedules and have more time together as a family. Great idea!

No matter what you resolve to do or change for next year, a few tips can help deepen your determination, increase your tenacity, and intensify your steadfastness.

Here are 5 tips to help your New Year’s Resolution stick:

1. Be specific

  • If you are changing your work load or decreasing commitments, HOW MUCH?
  • If you are going to the gym or excising more often, WHICH DAYS? * If you are selecting healthier meals, WHAT’S FOR LUNCH? * When you make your goal explicit, precise and detailed you up the odds for success.

2. Be realistic

  • Be kind to yourself. Think of this is a step-by-step approach with small improvements along the way.
  • Be truthful in what you can genuinely accomplish. It is always fun to dream, but dreams are just that. Anchor your goal with down-to-earth focus.

3. Share it with some friends

  • Look to a few trusted friends, family members or colleagues at work. Not everyone though. Just those you know you can count on for support. Skip those “I told you so” kind of folks.
  • Ask for the kind of help that would be the most beneficial to you. They can’t read your mind and may not know what you need to boost your efforts. Do you need a reminder? Are compliments appreciated? Would you like them to join you in this endeavor?

4. Have a target that is measurable

  • Setting a deadline could up your stress a bit, but without some sort of timeframe, how will you know when you’ve achieved it?
  • Measuring progress is motivating. You can see the results as you compare your progress. This keeps you on track.

5. Include some fun

  • Include elements of whimsy or playfulness in your progress. Have a contest with yourself or others. Maybe post your ups and downs on Facebook. Add some humor-you are only human, right?
  • Celebrate success during the process. Acknowledge little changes-they grow into big changes! * Be creative in the ways you acknowledge your progress. Draw pictures, make a video…

Hope these 5 tips will be a helpful boost as you look towards the New Year. May it be a great one for you and your family!

Please let me know how you are using these tips to a healthier you as you start off the New Year with a Bang!

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Thick Old Fashioned Cabbage Soup

Posted on January 3, 2012 by janadaclark

Thick Old-Fashioned Vegetarian Cabbage Soup

Ingredients:

1 head of cabbage, cut into 8 sections

3 cups celery, diced fine

2 cups cauliflower, sliced 3 cups onions, diced

2 cups diced tomatoes or 2 cans stewed tomatoes

2 cups sliced mushrooms

2 Tablespoons olive oil

6 cups vegetable stock

1-2 garlic cloves, minced

Salt and pepper to taste

Preparation: Sauté onions in olive oil until brown. Combine with first four ingredients in large cooking pot. Bring to a boil and simmer for 30 minutes until tender. Then add all vegetables. Serve with your favorite whole wheat bread. For a non-vegetarian version, just add cubbed chicken.

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4 Tips to Encourage Kids to Complete Chores

Posted on January 3, 2012 by janadaclark

Doing chores around the house helps to develop and raise healthy children in three important ways:

1. Gives children a sense of responsibility and belonging.

2. Allows a way for parents to encourage children saying, “Well done” when a job is completed.

3. Provides a process for building self-esteem.

Chores are another way you can prepare your child for the real world. You don’t want your kids going off to college not knowing how to do their own laundry or cook an egg do you? Kids that have never had any responsibility in the home can become whinny young adults that look to others to do things they should be doing for themselves.

A better term than “chores” is “contributions.”

Doing jobs around the house contributes to the household running smoothly and with less stress. Everyone benefits.

Remember little ones aren’t going to be able to contribute effectively yet. They are eager, but not competent. Let them “help” even if it means more work for you. With a bit of creative thinking, you and your spouse can come up with ways they can “help.”

A few ideas to get you started:

* Dust the TV or computer screen

* Wipe off the table or counter top

* Sweep the kitchen floor (with a child-sized broom)

* Empty the trash in your office

* Comb the dog

By 1st grade a child is competent enough to be able to make a helpful contribution to household responsibilities.

Here are 4 simple tips to encourage and help your child follow through and complete their “Contributions.”

1. Keep a positive attitude.

Model doing your contributions with enthusiasm. Show appreciation for when your little one helps. Keep it fun so your child will associate fun with chores when they get old enough to do them on their own.

2. Negotiate.

Give them a sense of control-let them choose (within reason and age appropriate).

Make a list of all the chores it takes to keep the household afloat. Include in that list: pay the mortgage, PGE, phone bill, health insurance, clothing, go shopping, cook. Then add the day-to-day jobs that need to be done: clean up after meals, laundry, bathrooms, vacuum, etc.  Have your kids look it over and select out what they agree to do. Say, “The ones you don’t like we’ll do together and have a good time doing it.” In addition, let kids negotiate between themselves as to who does what. If you think it’s unfair just wait, the kids will figure it out and change it.

3. Set a deadline.

Example: Could you get this finished by dinner?” This shows respect. Give them as much power as you can to finish. Even offer to help once in a while. This will up the odds they will offer to help you as well. The phrase “Do it and do it now!” is Drill Sergeant parenting and can bring deep trouble.

It’s not about punching a time clock. A child’s motivation is increased when they are allowed to choose when the job is completed. Instead of: “It’s Sat morning, let’s do chores.” Say, “Don’t feel you have to be done by Sunday noon, on the other hand if you want to hustle and get it done right away, great.” And remember: Don’t REMIND! If chores are not completed, use Energy Drain or Delayed Consequences.

4. “Contributions” are completed WITHOUT payment.

You don’t get paid for shopping, bringing in the groceries, paying the bills. The reward for completing a contribution is to know you made a difference and helped out. Allowance should not be a reward for completing a chore. You want your kids to be motivated to help because they want to contribute to the family, not because it gives them spending money. The purpose of an allowance is to give them an opportunity to practice handling money.

However, payment is okay for an extra chore that is not their normal responsibility, or for them to do a chore for you or for someone else. This gives them the opportunity to earn extra money.

I hope these tips have been helpful tools in giving you effective strategies to help run a smoother, more thoughtful household. Enjoy the benefits of tasks being done and knowing at the same time you have given your child an opportunity to feel needed and appreciated-great self-esteem boosters! Please post on my FB page how these guidelines have helped ease things around the house. Which ones were most helpful?

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5 Tips to Help Your New Years Resolution Stick!

Posted on January 3, 2012 by janadaclark

Everyone talks about making a New Year’s Resolution. It’s a cultural habit we all seemed to have picked up over the years. Here are some fun facts about New Year’s Resolutions:

* Over half of Americans make 3 or more resolutions.

* Top resolutions involve health related issues: Exercise, decreasing work, weight loss, stop smoking/drinking, stress management.

* People generally make more resolutions to START a new habit versus BREAK an old one.

* By mid-year about half abandon their resolution.

* If successful, about 40% did it on their first attempt. The rest made multiple tries- as many as 6 attempts before succeeding.

* If you were successful in achieving resolutions in the previous year, you are more likely to succeed with each succeeding year.

In other words, if you are thinking seriously about making a New Year’s Resolution, stick with it. Even if unsuccessful the first time or two, statistics are on your side if you are persistent.

Most resolutions are generally related to self-care: more exercise, better eating habits, lowering stressful situations, decrease drinking, or to stop smoking. One that seems to be a high priority today for many parents with young children is to downsize schedules and have more time together as a family. Great idea!

No matter what you resolve to do or change for next year, a few tips can help deepen your determination, increase your tenacity, and intensify your steadfastness.

Here are 5 tips to help your New Year’s Resolution stick:

1. Be specific

* If you are changing your work load or decreasing commitments, HOW MUCH?

* If you are going to the gym or excising more often, WHICH DAYS?

* If you are selecting healthier meals, WHAT’S FOR LUNCH?

* When you make your goal explicit, precise and detailed you up the odds for success.

2. Be realistic

* Be kind to yourself. Think of this is a step-by-step approach with small improvements along the way.

* Be truthful in what you can genuinely accomplish. It is always fun to dream, but dreams are just that. Anchor your goal with down-to-earth focus.

3. Share it with some friends

* Look to a few trusted friends, family members or colleagues at work. Not everyone though. Just those you know you can count on for support. Skip those “I told you so” kind of folks.

* Ask for the kind of help that would be the most beneficial to you. They can’t read your mind and may not know what you need to boost your efforts. Do you need a reminder? Are compliments appreciated? Would you like them to join you in this endeavor?

4. Have a target that is measurable

* Setting a deadline could up your stress a bit, but without some sort of timeframe, how will you know when you’ve achieved it?

* Measuring progress is motivating. You can see the results as you compare your progress. This keeps you on track.

5. Include some fun

* Include elements of whimsy or playfulness in your progress. Have a contest with yourself or others. Maybe post your ups and downs on Facebook. Add some humor-you are only human, right?

* Celebrate success during the process. Acknowledge little changes-they grow into big changes!

* Be creative in the ways you acknowledge your progress. Draw pictures, make a video…

Hope these 5 tips will be a helpful boost as you look towards the New Year. May it be a great one for you and your family! Which tips were the most helpful and which ones will you use? Please post on my FB to encourage me and everyone to keep their resolutions www.facebook.com/clearpatheducation

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I am a Baby Play Instructor

Posted on January 2, 2012 by janadaclark

I am excited to announce that I am the teacher/facilitator of the Baby Play Class at Day One in Palo Alto at Town and Country! We meet every Tuesday from 3:30-4:30, so nap time will be over and your baby will ready for an adventure!

Once a week, stop by Day One in the Town and Country Center across from Stanford. Join other mothers as we participate in this fun class, “Baby Play” with your baby. Engage in a bit of tickling, singing, Yoga-like baby exercise and lots of smiles as you share this lively hour with your little one. Also included is some time for sharing and asking questions as you and other moms brainstorm how to handle new developments with your child.

Sara Duskin, the Baby Play instructor at Day One in San Francisco has this to say about playing with your baby:

“Play encourages the development of language and physical skills. Play releases the imagination, develops concentration and builds social skills. Mothers, fathers and babies all feel good after playing because fun and laughter release endorphins that help to relieve stress.”  

“It is important to understand that mothers and fathers often play differently with their infants and to understand what these differences are.”

“A mother’s play often contains a teaching emphasis. For example, mothers may name objects and describe the color, the texture or the taste. A mother’s play tends to be more mediated, verbal and visual.”

“A father’s play is often more unconventional, more unusual, and less predictable. Dad’s play is usually more active. This kind of active play can shift and expand the infant’s style and range of behavior. Fathers are also often louder, more jovial, and more physical with their baby. Dad’s play encourages the extroversion and self-confidence of the baby.”

I am really excited about seeing you at Day One as we play and learn together!

In addition to this class, I will be teaching a workshop for parents only, DEVELOPMENTAL PLAY,  on Sunday January 29 2:30-4:00 PM. This 1 1/2 hour workshop will cover how to:

  • Design an inviting place for your child to play
  • Choose developmentally appropriate toys
  • Use toys to teach cause & effect
  • Promote eye coordination, muscle tone, and strength
  • Encourage spontaneity and self-expression

Please call Day One at (650) 322-3291 for class fee information and to register. Hope to see you there!

How do you play with your baby, tot or preschooler? Please post some ideas on my FB www.facebook.com/clearpathededucation  Would love to hear your ideas!

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You Can Find Your Own “Binky Blanket”

Posted on December 14, 2011 by janadaclark

We have 3 year old twin girls. Our nightly routine starts with bath, teeth brushing, getting on their pajamas and then of course, story time, their favorite. Story time is not complete without their “Binky Blanket.” Binky Blanket is their security blanket they haul around all over the place. It’s always a challenge to keep track of it and when we can’t find it right away, like when we are leaving to go grocery shopping, they have a meltdown. It can be so frustrating. Can’t leave without it.

It’s the same with night time story. Can’t read a story without the girls snuggling up with their Binky. Here’s our problem. Our girl’s bedroom is upstairs. If they don’t have their blanket with them, we have to leave the room, go downstairs and look all over till we find it. Not very much fun when you are tired and want to end your day. This happens on a regular basis and we are getting so tired of doing this almost every night-but we didn’t have a solution until we took a Love and Logic class.

The first night we learned about empathy. The next class we learned about offering choices. Two great tools we decided to use together to get us out of this nightly dilemma. So at dinner we said, “We know you love to have your Binky for night-time story. But Mommy and Daddy are tired and can’t look for it anymore. You can either bring it up with you when you get ready for bed. Or, you can go look for it after you put on your pajamas.”

Neither girl made a comment, but we were wondering what they would do when they didn’t have their blanket (We were pretty sure they would forget to bring it upstairs, and they did!) When we started to read to them Alison said, “Wait I need my Binky.”  “Me too” from Katie. My husband said, “Oh this is so sad. Remember at dinner we told you we were too tired to look for it?” You can get up and go down stairs and look for it if you like.”

We were waiting for a meltdown or protest…… Nothing happened! After a short moment one of the girls said, “Read the story, too tired too.” That was it! No complaints, crying, or fuss. We read the story, kissed goodnight, and went downstairs. We really expected them to come out of their rooms, but they didn’t. Wow! It seemed unbelievable that the drama around night time could be shifted because of sincere empathy and offering some choices, but it worked!

Albert and Michelle

 

Great use of L&L! Do you have a story about “Offering Choices?” Please share on Facebook: www.facebook.com/clearpatheducation

 

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