Doing chores around the house helps to develop and raise healthy children in three important ways:
1. Gives children a sense of responsibility and belonging.
2. Allows a way for parents to encourage children saying, “Well done” when a job is completed.
3. Provides a process for building self-esteem.
Chores are another way you can prepare your child for the real world. You don’t want your kids going off to college not knowing how to do their own laundry or cook an egg do you? Kids that have never had any responsibility in the home can become whinny young adults that look to others to do things they should be doing for themselves.
A better term than “chores” is “contributions.”
Doing jobs around the house contributes to the household running smoothly and with less stress. Everyone benefits.
Remember little ones aren’t going to be able to contribute effectively yet. They are eager, but not competent. Let them “help” even if it means more work for you. With a bit of creative thinking, you and your spouse can come up with ways they can “help.”
A few ideas to get you started:
* Dust the TV or computer screen
* Wipe off the table or counter top
* Sweep the kitchen floor (with a child-sized broom)
* Empty the trash in your office
* Comb the dog
By 1st grade a child is competent enough to be able to make a helpful contribution to household responsibilities.
Here are 4 simple tips to encourage and help your child follow through and complete their “Contributions.”
1. Keep a positive attitude.
Model doing your contributions with enthusiasm. Show appreciation for when your little one helps. Keep it fun so your child will associate fun with chores when they get old enough to do them on their own.
2. Negotiate.
Give them a sense of control-let them choose (within reason and age appropriate).
Make a list of all the chores it takes to keep the household afloat. Include in that list: pay the mortgage, PGE, phone bill, health insurance, clothing, go shopping, cook. Then add the day-to-day jobs that need to be done: clean up after meals, laundry, bathrooms, vacuum, etc. Have your kids look it over and select out what they agree to do. Say, “The ones you don’t like we’ll do together and have a good time doing it.” In addition, let kids negotiate between themselves as to who does what. If you think it’s unfair just wait, the kids will figure it out and change it.
3. Set a deadline.
Example: Could you get this finished by dinner?” This shows respect. Give them as much power as you can to finish. Even offer to help once in a while. This will up the odds they will offer to help you as well. The phrase “Do it and do it now!” is Drill Sergeant parenting and can bring deep trouble.
It’s not about punching a time clock. A child’s motivation is increased when they are allowed to choose when the job is completed. Instead of: “It’s Sat morning, let’s do chores.” Say, “Don’t feel you have to be done by Sunday noon, on the other hand if you want to hustle and get it done right away, great.” And remember: Don’t REMIND! If chores are not completed, use Energy Drain or Delayed Consequences.
4. “Contributions” are completed WITHOUT payment.
You don’t get paid for shopping, bringing in the groceries, paying the bills. The reward for completing a contribution is to know you made a difference and helped out. Allowance should not be a reward for completing a chore. You want your kids to be motivated to help because they want to contribute to the family, not because it gives them spending money. The purpose of an allowance is to give them an opportunity to practice handling money.
However, payment is okay for an extra chore that is not their normal responsibility, or for them to do a chore for you or for someone else. This gives them the opportunity to earn extra money.
I hope these tips have been helpful tools in giving you effective strategies to help run a smoother, more thoughtful household. Enjoy the benefits of tasks being done and knowing at the same time you have given your child an opportunity to feel needed and appreciated-great self-esteem boosters! Please post on my FB page how these guidelines have helped ease things around the house. Which ones were most helpful?
Filed under: Effective parenting, new parent class, Parenting
