Today’s grandparent has a very different lifestyle from the grandparents who lived thirty years ago.

Nowadays many grandparents are still working full time. They are Internet savvy. Their health is often great as they are active and productive with a range of interests and hobbies as well as a career.

What hasn’t changed is that a typical grandparent is as “gaga” over their grandchild as ever. Being a grandparent is exciting and begins a whole new phase of life for them as well as for the entire extended family. Many grandparents look forward to opportunities to be with their grandchild as often as they can. Most would put a high priority on being seen as supportive to you-the daughter or daughter-in-law.

Grandparents, often the grandmother, could be making your life a bit easier. Being a new mom is challenging and can be overwhelming. Having an extra pair of helping hands could do wonders to help make the household run a bit smoother.

Whether you are fortunate enough to have them nearby or not, they still have the potential to be a wonderful resource for the new family.

How so?

To start off, make sure you make your needs clearly known.

It may seem to be unnecessary, but the best way to get support from them is to ASK for it.  Don’t assume grandparents know what you need or how they can help. Most grandparents are eager to help and really want to be an added resource for you. Sometimes however, they don’t know how to best support and need some guidance.

Be specific: Could you stop at the store? Wash the dishes? Run an errand? etc.

In my Baby Play class I teach at Day One, a resource center in Palo Alto for new families, I often hear this from new moms::

 ”I wish my mom would ask what I need help with. I know she loves holding and playing with the baby, but what I really need is for her to do my laundry. Maybe not as fun, but it would sure help.”

Grandparents can unduly stress new parents in their eagerness to help.

How is that?

They enjoy giving advice. After all, they’ve raised you and you turned out okay. They want to share their wisdom. However, they need to understand that unsolicited advice is not helpful. Grandparents are well meaning, but may not even be aware of this.

 Another comment I often hear from new moms:

”I don’t want to hurt my mom’s feelings but I want to raise my baby the way I think is best. Sometimes I don’t feel respected when she tells me I am not doing things the way she would do them.”

Grandparenting sounds simple but it can get complicated!

If you’d like your child’s grandparents to understand how best to learn some tips on how to be a great resource for you, please consider recommending this workshop: 

Grandparenting 101

Location:  Day One at Town & Country in Palo Alto

Date: Wednesday Feb 29 6 PM-7:30 PM.

Tips for grandparents include what’s new in the birthing process, newborn care, baby equipment and safety, and how to be helpful and supportive are just some of the topics that will be covered. If you are a new mom, or know of a first time mom looking to suggest a helpful class for the grandparents-please pass this opportunity on. Please call Day One at 322-3291 for registration and fee information. Hope to see you in class!

On the way back she tried to reason with him saying “But you like the team and the coach.” “You always enjoy playing the game.” “Everyone is counting on you.”  “This is your only outside activity, I can’t just let you quit.” No matter what she said he had an answer. And his answer was “No way.”

Matthew reasoned it this way. Both Mom and Dad were asking him to do too much stuff-like finish his homework and do chores before he went to practice. In his mind this was being mean since he couldn’t possibly get it all done before practice so his only option was to quit. But if his parents changed their minds and let him get out of doing chores and finishing his homework when he felt like it, then he would reconsider and go back to practice. Mom and Dad were stuck-so they called me. Together we put a plan together and here’s the rest of the story.

I explained to the parents that their son was in a way “blackmailing” them into giving in on his household obligations and homework responsibilities. He knew that his playing a sport was important to them as they wanted him to have this experience. If he could force them to ease up on their requirements, he could call the shots and have things his way.

Of course the real world doesn’t work this way. Responsibilities are not influenced by whether a person feels like completing them -they are part of growing up. Since Love and Logic is all about preparing your child for the real world, we came up with a plan.

Matthew was told the decision was his to make.  If he decided not to play basketball, he had to call the coach himself and explain why. If he decided to return, all chores and responsibilities were unchanged. The parents also called the coach and let him know the situation. Matthew might call and the coach was to set the standard for returning-no special treatment.

At first Matthew refused to call and wanted his parents to talk with the coach. His parents told him that wasn’t an option-he had to make the call one way or the other. A few days before practice, Matthew started expressing an interest in returning to practice. His parents simply said, “It’s your decision. Nothing changes around here. You must call the coach and tell him you want to return.”

The night before practice, he finally called the coach. Mom and Dad were not present and let him handle it all on his own. When he came back, he had a big smile on his face. “The coach says I can come back as long as I finish up at home first!” Mom and Dad smiled, “Great. We knew you could figure this out. Glad to hear you are back on the team.  As soon as you finish your chores tomorrow, we’ll drive you to practice.”

What’s the moral of this story?

1. Put together a plan when your stuck. Don’t ever apologize or feel you are falling short as a parent just because you can’t come up with a plan on the spot. This can be tough-so reach out for help.

2. Hold firm to your limit. The parents did a fantastic job of holding firm to the reasonable limit they set. While their son tried to make them feel bad and get out of his responsibilities, they knew better. They couldn’t be “guilted” into changing expectations or household responsibilities.

3. Hand the problem back to your child. The parents didn’t own the problem of whether or not to continue playing basketball. They firmly placed this problem/decision with the son. They supported and encouraged him to make a decision. They were brave enough to let their son make a mistake and live with the consequences. (His mistake would have been to drop out of basketball-which he didn’t do!)

4. Aim to use a consultant style of parenting. Because his parents used the Love and Logic approach Matthew learned a valuable life skill. Responsibilities and chores are part of life. He learned to meet his obligation first. Then he could enjoy the perks that come with responsible behavior. Isn’t this what we want our kids to learn?

Great job parents! Way to go Matthew!

Has your child ever tried to a similar method? Remember, it’s the parent’s job to set the limit and the kid’s job to test them. If you have a “limit testing” story-please share it on my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/clearpatheducation

Here are some simple tips to keep your Super Bowl Party hassle-free and fun for the whole family.

Plan a simple meal.

You don’t want to spend time in the kitchen away from the action. Ask your kids what their favorite foods are and have everyone get to pick something. It may not be the most nutritionally balanced, but it’s only one meal. If friends are joining, make it potluck. The point is to make it simple.

Offer a variety of finger foods.

Food that doesn’t require silverware makes it easier to eat in front of the TV and the kids will love eating with their fingers.

Dress in your favorite team colors.

Got a jersey? Wear it or simply wear T-shirts in your team’s colors. Face painting is always fun too.

Decorate with a Football theme.

Use a green tablecloth with yard lines drawn with chalk or string. Hang balloons, streamers, homemade posters throughout the room. Kids love decorating.

Plan activities for kids.

Little ones could get bored so have some games available for them to play. Download some football-themed pictures from them to color or even better-make your own. Use a black marker and draw a football. Kids can color it or decorate it with colored paper scrapes using a glue stick.

Plan activities for adults and kids to do together.

Play the “secret” word game. Select a word that can’t be said during the game. Everyone begins the game with 10 football stickers. If you say the word, the first person who heard you say it gets your sticker. The person with the most stickers at the end of the game is the winner.

Vote on each commercial.

Funniest, Best, Worst. Play scavenger hunt with commercials. Before the game, write down or draw simple pictures of the types of commercials shown during the Super Bowl, such as soda, fast food, and car commercials. Have kids then cross off the items being advertised as they come on.

Don’t forget dessert.

Kids love desserts and here are two simple desserts kids can do.

• Cupcakes: Make cupcakes and decorate with your team’s colors. Or use green frosting and draw lines or numbers with white decorating gel. The small tube is easy for most little ones to use.
• Cocoa Rice Krispie footballs: Follow the recipe on the box using melted marshmallows or marshmallow crème, wait until slightly cooled and mold into a football shape. Decorate with white decorating gel.

Hope these simple tips make for a fun family friendly Super Bowl Party. May it be a great one for you and your family! Go Team!

Would love to hear about your Superbowl Party! Post a comment on my Fan Page www/facebook.com/clearpathedcucation and let us know how it went.

In February I am facilitating a group for parents at Menlo Park Presbyterian Church. This workshop, Families Navigating Life’s Challenges, is open to anyone seeking some support and new skills to navigate challenging times.

The class will learn coping skills as you go through the 6 levels of change:

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

Hope

Change is a part of life but it can feel threatening and scary to kids and overwhelming to parents. Change creates losses that must be grieved and upsets our sense of security and makes us adapt to new ways of living.

We will examine each level.

• How this is a normal reaction to change.
• How you can get stuck. How to get unstuck.
• How to model healthy behavior to your child as you go through each step of the process.

Join other parents in a non-judgmental confidential environment of support and encouragement. This launch group is an opportunity for you to connect with other parents as we learn new coping skills as well as learning how to model and teach these skills to your child. We will provide a booklet of fun activities and simple projects to do with your child at home each week. Free childcare will be provided.

Families Navigating Life’s Challenges meets Thursdays beginning Feb 9-March 29 from 6:45-8:15. There is a $10 charge for materials. To register: www.mppc.org Click on Launch Groups.

Here are 10 tips that my trainer, Mark Lipanski and I put together to help you pack up that gym bag and get back on track. With a little added humor, they all hold points to consider. All are true, some are funny and a few are hard to admit.

1. A gym is not designed to make you feel instantly better about yourself. If a gym wanted to make you feel instantly better about yourself, it would be a mall with lots of sale items that fit.

2. Give yourself a goal and develop a routine. Try to go at least 3 times a week. Maybe you want to lose 10 pounds. Maybe you want to be a cheerleader for the New York Jets. But be warned: Losing 10 pounds is hard.

3. No one in the history of gyms has ever lost a pound while reading “People Magazine” and slowly pedaling a recumbent bicycle.

4. Don’t fall for gimmicks. The only tried-and-true method to lose 10 pounds in 48 hours is food poisoning.

5. Sorry, that’s not a “recovery energy bar with antioxidant dark chocolate.” That’s a chocolate bar.

6. If you’re motivated to buy an expensive home exercise machine, consider a “wooden coat rack.” It costs $40, uses no electricity and does the exact same thing.

7. There’s the yoga instructor everyone loves, and the yoga instructor everyone hates. Memorize who they are.

8. If a gym class is going to be effective, it’s hard. If you’re relaxed and enjoying yourself, you’re at the spa.

9. If you’re at the point where you’ve bought biking shoes for the spinning class, you may as well go ahead and buy an actual bike. Its way more fun and you don’t have to listen to music you don’t like.

10. Fact: Thinking about going to the gym burns between 0 and 0 calories.

Some are funny. Maybe a few you didn’t want to hear. But all are truthful. With or without a gym membership, find some fun ways to get move movement back into your daily routine. Which ones will help you get back to exercising? Please let me know!

* Over half of Americans make 3 or more resolutions.

* Top resolutions involve health related issues: Exercise, decreasing work, weight loss, stop smoking/drinking, stress management.

* People generally make more resolutions to START a new habit versus BREAK an old one.

* By mid-year about half abandon their resolution.

* If successful, about 40% did it on their first attempt. The rest made multiple tries- as many as 6 attempts before succeeding.

* If you were successful in achieving resolutions in the previous year, you are more likely to succeed with each succeeding year.

In other words, if you are thinking seriously about making a New Year’s Resolution, stick with it. Even if unsuccessful the first time or two, statistics are on your side if you are persistent.

Most resolutions are generally related to self-care: more exercise, better eating habits, lowering stressful situations, decrease drinking, or to stop smoking. One that seems to be a high priority today for many parents with young children is to downsize schedules and have more time together as a family. Great idea!

No matter what you resolve to do or change for next year, a few tips can help deepen your determination, increase your tenacity, and intensify your steadfastness.

Here are 5 tips to help your New Year’s Resolution stick:

1. Be specific

• If you are changing your work load or decreasing commitments, HOW MUCH?
• If you are going to the gym or excising more often, WHICH DAYS? * If you are selecting healthier meals, WHAT’S FOR LUNCH? * When you make your goal explicit, precise and detailed you up the odds for success.

2. Be realistic

• Be kind to yourself. Think of this is a step-by-step approach with small improvements along the way.
• Be truthful in what you can genuinely accomplish. It is always fun to dream, but dreams are just that. Anchor your goal with down-to-earth focus.

3. Share it with some friends

• Look to a few trusted friends, family members or colleagues at work. Not everyone though. Just those you know you can count on for support. Skip those “I told you so” kind of folks.
• Ask for the kind of help that would be the most beneficial to you. They can’t read your mind and may not know what you need to boost your efforts. Do you need a reminder? Are compliments appreciated? Would you like them to join you in this endeavor?

4. Have a target that is measurable

• Setting a deadline could up your stress a bit, but without some sort of timeframe, how will you know when you’ve achieved it?
• Measuring progress is motivating. You can see the results as you compare your progress. This keeps you on track.

5. Include some fun

• Include elements of whimsy or playfulness in your progress. Have a contest with yourself or others. Maybe post your ups and downs on Facebook. Add some humor-you are only human, right?
• Celebrate success during the process. Acknowledge little changes-they grow into big changes! * Be creative in the ways you acknowledge your progress. Draw pictures, make a video…

Hope these 5 tips will be a helpful boost as you look towards the New Year. May it be a great one for you and your family!

Please let me know how you are using these tips to a healthier you as you start off the New Year with a Bang!

Ingredients:

1 head of cabbage, cut into 8 sections

3 cups celery, diced fine

2 cups cauliflower, sliced 3 cups onions, diced

2 cups diced tomatoes or 2 cans stewed tomatoes

2 cups sliced mushrooms

2 Tablespoons olive oil

6 cups vegetable stock

1-2 garlic cloves, minced

Salt and pepper to taste

Preparation: Sauté onions in olive oil until brown. Combine with first four ingredients in large cooking pot. Bring to a boil and simmer for 30 minutes until tender. Then add all vegetables. Serve with your favorite whole wheat bread. For a non-vegetarian version, just add cubbed chicken.

1. Gives children a sense of responsibility and belonging.

2. Allows a way for parents to encourage children saying, “Well done” when a job is completed.

3. Provides a process for building self-esteem.

Chores are another way you can prepare your child for the real world. You don’t want your kids going off to college not knowing how to do their own laundry or cook an egg do you? Kids that have never had any responsibility in the home can become whinny young adults that look to others to do things they should be doing for themselves.

A better term than “chores” is “contributions.”

Doing jobs around the house contributes to the household running smoothly and with less stress. Everyone benefits.

Remember little ones aren’t going to be able to contribute effectively yet. They are eager, but not competent. Let them “help” even if it means more work for you. With a bit of creative thinking, you and your spouse can come up with ways they can “help.”

A few ideas to get you started:

* Dust the TV or computer screen

* Wipe off the table or counter top

* Sweep the kitchen floor (with a child-sized broom)

* Empty the trash in your office

* Comb the dog

By 1st grade a child is competent enough to be able to make a helpful contribution to household responsibilities.

Here are 4 simple tips to encourage and help your child follow through and complete their “Contributions.”

1. Keep a positive attitude.

Model doing your contributions with enthusiasm. Show appreciation for when your little one helps. Keep it fun so your child will associate fun with chores when they get old enough to do them on their own.

2. Negotiate.

Give them a sense of control-let them choose (within reason and age appropriate).

Make a list of all the chores it takes to keep the household afloat. Include in that list: pay the mortgage, PGE, phone bill, health insurance, clothing, go shopping, cook. Then add the day-to-day jobs that need to be done: clean up after meals, laundry, bathrooms, vacuum, etc.  Have your kids look it over and select out what they agree to do. Say, “The ones you don’t like we’ll do together and have a good time doing it.” In addition, let kids negotiate between themselves as to who does what. If you think it’s unfair just wait, the kids will figure it out and change it.

3. Set a deadline.

Example: Could you get this finished by dinner?” This shows respect. Give them as much power as you can to finish. Even offer to help once in a while. This will up the odds they will offer to help you as well. The phrase “Do it and do it now!” is Drill Sergeant parenting and can bring deep trouble.

It’s not about punching a time clock. A child’s motivation is increased when they are allowed to choose when the job is completed. Instead of: “It’s Sat morning, let’s do chores.” Say, “Don’t feel you have to be done by Sunday noon, on the other hand if you want to hustle and get it done right away, great.” And remember: Don’t REMIND! If chores are not completed, use Energy Drain or Delayed Consequences.

4. “Contributions” are completed WITHOUT payment.

You don’t get paid for shopping, bringing in the groceries, paying the bills. The reward for completing a contribution is to know you made a difference and helped out. Allowance should not be a reward for completing a chore. You want your kids to be motivated to help because they want to contribute to the family, not because it gives them spending money. The purpose of an allowance is to give them an opportunity to practice handling money.

However, payment is okay for an extra chore that is not their normal responsibility, or for them to do a chore for you or for someone else. This gives them the opportunity to earn extra money.

I hope these tips have been helpful tools in giving you effective strategies to help run a smoother, more thoughtful household. Enjoy the benefits of tasks being done and knowing at the same time you have given your child an opportunity to feel needed and appreciated-great self-esteem boosters! Please post on my FB page how these guidelines have helped ease things around the house. Which ones were most helpful?

* Over half of Americans make 3 or more resolutions.

* Top resolutions involve health related issues: Exercise, decreasing work, weight loss, stop smoking/drinking, stress management.

* People generally make more resolutions to START a new habit versus BREAK an old one.

* By mid-year about half abandon their resolution.

* If successful, about 40% did it on their first attempt. The rest made multiple tries- as many as 6 attempts before succeeding.

* If you were successful in achieving resolutions in the previous year, you are more likely to succeed with each succeeding year.

In other words, if you are thinking seriously about making a New Year’s Resolution, stick with it. Even if unsuccessful the first time or two, statistics are on your side if you are persistent.

Most resolutions are generally related to self-care: more exercise, better eating habits, lowering stressful situations, decrease drinking, or to stop smoking. One that seems to be a high priority today for many parents with young children is to downsize schedules and have more time together as a family. Great idea!

No matter what you resolve to do or change for next year, a few tips can help deepen your determination, increase your tenacity, and intensify your steadfastness.

Here are 5 tips to help your New Year’s Resolution stick:

1. Be specific

* If you are changing your work load or decreasing commitments, HOW MUCH?

* If you are going to the gym or excising more often, WHICH DAYS?

* If you are selecting healthier meals, WHAT’S FOR LUNCH?

* When you make your goal explicit, precise and detailed you up the odds for success.

2. Be realistic

* Be kind to yourself. Think of this is a step-by-step approach with small improvements along the way.

* Be truthful in what you can genuinely accomplish. It is always fun to dream, but dreams are just that. Anchor your goal with down-to-earth focus.

3. Share it with some friends

* Look to a few trusted friends, family members or colleagues at work. Not everyone though. Just those you know you can count on for support. Skip those “I told you so” kind of folks.

* Ask for the kind of help that would be the most beneficial to you. They can’t read your mind and may not know what you need to boost your efforts. Do you need a reminder? Are compliments appreciated? Would you like them to join you in this endeavor?

4. Have a target that is measurable

* Setting a deadline could up your stress a bit, but without some sort of timeframe, how will you know when you’ve achieved it?

* Measuring progress is motivating. You can see the results as you compare your progress. This keeps you on track.

5. Include some fun

* Include elements of whimsy or playfulness in your progress. Have a contest with yourself or others. Maybe post your ups and downs on Facebook. Add some humor-you are only human, right?

* Celebrate success during the process. Acknowledge little changes-they grow into big changes!

* Be creative in the ways you acknowledge your progress. Draw pictures, make a video…

Hope these 5 tips will be a helpful boost as you look towards the New Year. May it be a great one for you and your family! Which tips were the most helpful and which ones will you use? Please post on my FB to encourage me and everyone to keep their resolutions www.facebook.com/clearpatheducation

Once a week, stop by Day One in the Town and Country Center across from Stanford. Join other mothers as we participate in this fun class, “Baby Play” with your baby. Engage in a bit of tickling, singing, Yoga-like baby exercise and lots of smiles as you share this lively hour with your little one. Also included is some time for sharing and asking questions as you and other moms brainstorm how to handle new developments with your child.

Sara Duskin, the Baby Play instructor at Day One in San Francisco has this to say about playing with your baby:

“Play encourages the development of language and physical skills. Play releases the imagination, develops concentration and builds social skills. Mothers, fathers and babies all feel good after playing because fun and laughter release endorphins that help to relieve stress.”  

“It is important to understand that mothers and fathers often play differently with their infants and to understand what these differences are.”

“A mother’s play often contains a teaching emphasis. For example, mothers may name objects and describe the color, the texture or the taste. A mother’s play tends to be more mediated, verbal and visual.”

“A father’s play is often more unconventional, more unusual, and less predictable. Dad’s play is usually more active. This kind of active play can shift and expand the infant’s style and range of behavior. Fathers are also often louder, more jovial, and more physical with their baby. Dad’s play encourages the extroversion and self-confidence of the baby.”

I am really excited about seeing you at Day One as we play and learn together!

In addition to this class, I will be teaching a workshop for parents only, DEVELOPMENTAL PLAY,  on Sunday January 29 2:30-4:00 PM. This 1 1/2 hour workshop will cover how to:

• Design an inviting place for your child to play
• Choose developmentally appropriate toys
• Use toys to teach cause & effect
• Promote eye coordination, muscle tone, and strength
• Encourage spontaneity and self-expression

Please call Day One at (650) 322-3291 for class fee information and to register. Hope to see you there!

How do you play with your baby, tot or preschooler? Please post some ideas on my FB www.facebook.com/clearpathededucation  Would love to hear your ideas!